Making Men
by PeaceRoseG'ladheon
Summary: This is the entire first movie in Shang's point of view. I might continue this to an in-between for the first and second movies.
1. Prologue

**Mulan belongs to Disney!!!!! I own nothing!!!!!!**

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The air was warm and humid. I lit several candles on my dresser, making the room illuminate in their wake. I gazed around the room. Red dominated every corner. Simple furniture was scattered around the sparse area. Home.

I brushed my hair from my face and walked over the straw mattress. Sinking in, I slide off my slippers and place them on the side of the bed. Although I have been living here for a while now, it still doesn't feel like my home. No, my home is in a small town, the town where I grew up. As I try to remember my childhood, all I can remember is training. My father was in battle for the majority of my years of youth. When he was home, he would train me. Every day. I remember how he had perched a bucket of water on the top of my head. I ran my hands down the smooth wood of the staff I was holding. He explained the importance of finding my center, and picked up several pebbles from the pathway. I tried to dodge them, but only was able to let the bucket fall from my head as I tumbled from the grassy shore into the warm river. Even from the water I could see his disappointed expression. It ate me up inside. I craved his approval, in everything I did.

I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. I hadn't seen my father in over a year. Ever since my mother had died during war, he had been constantly working, while I had finished my schooling, and more importantly, my training, at a camp. I had learned to be a soldier. If you didn't fight back, you didn't fit in. Not that I had any friends to begin with, but then I was completely alone. I became quiet and antisocial, and I knew it. I still know it. I'm better off anyways, not having any close relationships. I never let myself get close to anyone. That's the way my father lived. My hero. I strove to be like him, to reach his approval.

The candles had long since burned down; the flames sat in a pool of wax, flickering dangerously, warningly. A knock at the door made the light wave. I slowly got up from the bed and made my way over to the door. I slid it open to reveal an older man with dark eyes and a thick moustache standing in his emperor's uniform. I didn't recognize the man, but, then again, the emperor had many message runners.

"Li Shang?" His voice boomed throughout the tiny space.

I swallowed. "Yes?" I tried to say with the most steady voice I could manage.

"You're needed by the Emperor." My eyes widened in horror. This could only mean one thing. The man nodded, and I felt my stomach drop like an anchor.

"Huns."

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**Okay, I know this chapter is short, and I usually do chapters that are at least 1,000+ words, but this is just the prologue! Feedback would be appreciated!!!!!!!**


	2. Honour To Them All

**Okay, this one is a little longer, but still, short. They will get longer! I promise! If you guys have any suggestions, I would love to hear them!!!!!!**

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I approached the dais where the Emperor was seated; his long white beard tangled; something I never have seen before. He had always been very proper when it came to his appearance. But today he looked unkept, and uncaring. Several men knelt on the floor, their heads bent towards their hands outstretched before them. Their whole bodies' seemed to sag in defeat and exhaustion. I slowly walked up behind them.

The Emperor's throne room was grandly decorated, clearly stating, but not flaunting, the wealth of the royal family. Gold adorned the pillars at the entrance and at the peak of the extremely long staircase. I often wondered, with amusement, how the elderly Emperor was able to climb them everyday. But the Emperor was stronger then he looked, and everyone knew it. He had seen a lot of war in his lifetime, and it showed in the lines and valleys that creased his face. He looked thin and frail, but he had more internal fire than any man I had ever known. It shone through his eyes, making his fragile appearance seem to disappear into his fierce expression. Although his movements were slow-paced, his mind was sharp and quick, and his thoughts seemed to shine through to his eyes.

But today, he seemed to sag into his seat. His face was tired and burdened, and his thinning figure seemed to disappear beneath his rich robes. I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin, marching up to the steps. I fell onto my knees and bowed my head.

"General Li. You will remain at the camp until the recruits have been accounted for. I expect you know your battle plan, then?" I could feel my face heat as I stood, as well of the heat of my father's stare.

"Yes, your majesty." I watched as my father, tall and confident, announce his battle strategy. I was intrigued by his fierceness, by his intelligence. Even with the swift motion of his hand, I found myself drawing closer. He outlined a detailed plan, and I found every question that entered my mind being answered within seconds. The Emperor stayed silent upon his throne, his only movement of acknowledgement was the momentary closing of his eyes. His bony hands were folded gracefully in his lap. When my father had finished, the Emperor stayed quiet momentarily, before taking a deep breath.

"Very well, then. You and your company will leave tomorrow at dawn." My father nodded solemnly. "Now, Shang?" My head shot up in surprise. I opened my mouth, but my mind blanked, and I snapped it shut again. My father cleared his throat behind me, and I flinched at it's harsh tone. I felt another sudden heat flush my face.

"Yes Majesty?" I croaked. I thought I detected a flash of humour that glimmered in his saddened eyes, but it disappeared quickly, and he returned to all seriousness.

"You, Shang, will follow your father to the training camps. I have heard of your excellence in your own training, and I expect you will be able to start and raise our recruits to victory. Men are being drafted as we speak." I gaped at him, my eyes widening, before clearing my throat.

"Of course, Majesty." I managed to force out. He nodded

"Well, your father will explain your duties, then. Now, gentlemen, I think we could all use some sleep." We all nodded, and then retreated down the stairs. No one talked until we reached the last step and went our separate ways, except, of course, me and my father.

"You behaved quite unprofessionally to the Emperor. It was unacceptable." I nodded and looked down at the floor, as if examining the cracks in the stone. _What was it about this man that made me feel as if I was a child again? _I was an adult, and I was being scolded by my father.

"Yes, father." He straightened his shoulders and began to speak again.

"Well, anyhow, it doesn't matter. We have things of greater importance to discuss." His straight tone rang through the corridors, it's echo seemed even more intense. I learned of what I was to do, and I couldn't help but sink a little. Train recruits? Sons of soldiers? They had given me an incredibly easy task, probably at request of my father. Something I couldn't mess up. I had been doing this for years. I had fought in many battles before, and I had made my own body into a weapon. So why do they still think that I was incapable of doing something productive? I had been living in the city for several years now, and I had always made sure I foloowed orders exactly. I did whatever I was told, whenever I was told. One did not disobey orders given by a superior. Especially if that superior was the Emperor himself. I suppose my obedience came from my father, but I always knew I would be a soldier. It was in my blood. I _was_ a soldier, it was as simple as that. But, if they gave me this miniscule order, I would make sure I did the best job I could do, that anyone could do, maybe even more.

I would prove to my father, to the Emperor, to _China, _that I could create a powerful army. China's own weapon. After all, they were the sons of some of the greatest warriors of our time. How difficult could my mission possibly be?

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**Like? Hate? I would _really_ appreciated some reviews!!!!!**


	3. Ping?

**Finally! A long one! This is where it finally gets into the story!**

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The ride to the camp was long and uncomfortably warm. The sun beat down upon our heads, and I could feel perspiration run down my back. I had walked for weeks in the blazing heat during battle, but riding was much different. I ached to dismount and stretch my legs. Instead, I shifted uncomfortably in my saddle. It would be a long ride.

"Tired yet?" I spun to find my father behind me.

"Uh, no, not at all, sir." He sighed.

"Are you sure? I've always found that I'd rather walk than ride. As ridiculous as that sounds." I laugh, much to my surprise.

"You have a point." I shifted again in the saddle. My father smiled.

"I think it's time we stopped for a break. Let the horses graze." He trotted ahead, and I was left to ponder the most tender conversation me and my father had ever shared.

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When we arrived at the camp, I was amazed by the space on which our camp would sit. It seemed to stretch on forever. The river was only a short walk away, and there were plenty of trees to provide shade and privacy. The site was bare, except for a single wooden pole that marked the center of the camp. It loomed over everything and everyone around it. I smiled to myself. I had plans for it.

"Shang!" My fathers sharp voice rang through my thoughts. I quickly turned, and he motioned for me to come to him. I jogged over, and he nodded towards another man who stood before me.

"This," he explained, "is Chi Fu. He will be overseeing your mission. He will also be writing a report on your progress, so I expect you will treat him respect." I looked over at the man. He was thin and wiry, clothed in blue. He was missing several teeth and a stringy moustache and beard adorned his sharp face.

"Chi Fu," he said briskly, bowing his head. His lips were pursed and he attempted a smile that looked as if he was trying extremely hard. I gave him a nod of acknowledgement and bowed back.

"Li Shang." He nodded, but his eyes refocused behind me.

"Hey! Stop that!" His shrill voice rang out, and he stalked off. I turned and followed his gaze to a group of workers who attempting to set up a tent, but the left support was awry. I couldn't help but give a small chuckle and the man's stiff and formal walk. He looked like he was moving with a staff up his–

"I don't like him much either," chuckled a voice from behind me. I spun and saw my father with an amused expression on his face.

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow at my incredulous expression. "I mean– I– Really?" He laughed again. I hadn't heard him laugh in years.

"Yes, well, he always has been this uptight. As long as I've known him." I smiled back.

"This should be an interesting couple of weeks." The smile that I had so rarely seen showed again, and I found myself becoming accustomed to it. I no longer felt as though my own father was a stranger.

For the next couple of days, I found myself becoming more and more anxious to the arriving troupes. I also felt myself growing more and more amused, and much more annoyed, with Chi Fu. I noted how he flattered my father, following him around like a dog.I also found my father and I becoming even closer. Although he was not outright fatherly, he would converse with me as if I was an adult; an equal. I basked in his approval, however slight.

We set up our base tents and sorted supplies, ensuring every soldier would be able to start building when they arrived. The days passed quickly, and then soldiers began to arrive. China's future army.

On the day we were to begin training, my father called me into his tent. I made my through the flap. The humidity instantly surrounded me, and I adjusted my breathing.

"Ah, Shang. Sit," I did as I was told. On the table was a map. Pieces I recognized as representations our parties sat on the top. My father then launched into a detailed plan, and, as when he described it to the Emperor, I found myself drawing near. _Like a moth to a flame_, I mused. I sensed he was nearly finished when Chi Fu pushed open the flap. I masked my disappointment and pulled myself back to the map.

"The huns have struck here, here, and here," he said, pointing to the locations with his crop. I rested my chin in my fingertips. "I will take the main troupes up to the Tung Shao pass and stop Shan Yu before he destroys this village." His crop grazed the map again as he pushed around the pieces on the paper.

"Excellent strategy, Sir! I do love surprises!" Chi Fu gave a nervous laugh. I rested the urge to strike him. _But not that surprise_, I thought. My father turned back to the map.

"You will stay and train the new recruits." I opened my mouth to speak, but decided against it. "When Chi Fu believes that you're ready," he continued, grabbing his sabre, "You will join us, Captain." He offered forth the sword. I reached for it, my heart soaring in my chest.

"Captain?" I whispered. I faintly heard Chi Fu make a strangled noise. _Surprise, surprise._

"This is an enormous responsibility, General! Perhaps a soldier with more experience–"

"Number one in his class, extensive knowledge in training techniques, he learned down, stroking his beard, "An impressive military heritage. I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job." Part of me was amazed he had given me such a compliment. The other part wanted to wave the sabre in front of Chi Fu's face. Ha!

"Oh, I will! I won't let you down! This is– I mean," I immediately sobered. I was embarrassed that I had become so informal. I held the sabre in front of me and bowed in respect. "Yes, Sir."

He rose from his seat, smiling, and made his way towards the entrance. "Very good then. We will host China's victory at the Imperial City." Turning, he pointed his crop at Chi Fu. "I'll expect a full report in three weeks," and he was gone. Chi Fu turned to me, sneering. "I won't leave anything out," and followed him out. I contained my desire to hit the back of his head as he departed. _Rodent_. I started after him, but paused at the door, my excitement finally getting the better of me.

"Captain Li Shang," a giddy murmer escaped my lips. "Leader of China's finest troupes. No! The greatest troupes of all time!" I laughed again, and pulled open the flap of the tent.

Men were everywhere. Beating each other into the grass. Animals ran through the grounds, and rice covered the grass. A heavily bruised man stumbled towards us, saluted, and collapsed on the ground at my feet.

"Most impressive," Chi Fu sneered. My father stepped over the unconscious man and mounted his horse.

"Good luck Captain!" he called, and I watched as my father lead the pack of soldiers out through the gate, the thunder of their hooves shaking the ground.

"Good luck, Father." I mumbled, and turned my attention back to the boys.

"Day one," reminded Chi Fu. _Dirty rotten rodent. _I squared my shoulders and marched into the abyss of the fight.

"Soldiers!" I shouted, trying to sound as close as I could to my father. They all looked up in surprise, then jumped to their feet.

"He started it!" they chorused, pointing to a young man kneeling on ground, his hands covering his head. I approached, and couldn't help raise an eyebrow. _How in the name of the gods did this boy start a fist fight? _He rose and brushed himself off. I surveyed him. He could be no older than seventeen. He was thin and soft, his hair pulled back and wearing what was obviously his father's armour.

I leaned in, trying to look menacing. "I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp."

"Sorry," he breathed, his voice coming out high and airy. His eyes widened. "Uh, I mean, sorry you had to see that." I crossed my arms. "But you know how it is," he reached over and punched my shoulder. I almost laughed at his cockiness. "When you get those manly urges." He rapped his fists on his armour. "And you just got to kill somebody" He slapped his hand into his palm, made a face, and tried to non-nonchalantly shake it off. "Fix things, cook outdoors..." So I had a egotistic on my hands. Great.

"What's your name?" I demanded. He raised his finger at me. Chi Fu nosed his way through.

"Your commanding officer just asked you a question!" He squeaked. The boy stuttered, and seemed to regain his speech. "I've got a name. And it's a boys name, too." I rocked back on my heels. This should be interesting. He motioned towards another soldier. "His name is Ling." My patience snapped.

"I didn't ask for _his_ name, I asked for yours!" The boy recoiled. "Ah Chu!"

"Ah Chu?" I asked. _Heavens help me...._

"Mushu....."

"Mushu?" _That's even worse than Ah Chu!_

"No!"

"Then what is it!" I demanded, my voice coming out much harsher than I intended.

"It's Ping!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Ping?" He casually leaned back and scratched his neck.

"Yes, my name is Ping." _I think I preferred Mushu. _

"Let me see your conscription notice." He quickly handed them over. I scanned the papers, and my eyes widened in shock. "Fa Zhou! _The_ Fa Zhou?" Chi Fu leaned his mousy head over my shoulder.

"I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son!" he proclaimed.

"He doesn't talk about me much." He attempted to spit, but it ended up running down his chin. _Surprise, surprise. _

"I can see why! The boy's an absolute lunatic" Chi Fu whispered. At least we agree on something... The other boys tried to suppress their laughter. I kicked back into Captain-mode.

"Okay, gentlemen. Thanks to your new friend _Ping, _you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice. And tomorrow, the real work begins!" I stalked away. Harsh perhaps, but that resentment will get rid of that chip on his shoulder. I heard Chi Fu behind me.

"Quite the army you have there. Your father will most surely see his mistake after all you train is Hun-fodder," he sneered, and scurried away. My blood boiled. _You no-good rotten oversized rat...._

I glanced behind me and saw China's last hope. Scooping rice from the grass. Ping was recoiled on the side, apart from everyone else. Yes, he was arrogant, but he hadn't been the only one who was cocky. This was going to be the longest months of my life. _Day one...._

_May the gods have mercy........_

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**Ta da! Please review!!!! And just so you know, if I don't update, it's because I'm busy. I'm not waiting for a certain number of reviews!**


	4. The Rage of War

**Thanks for your reviews! And by the way, I did give Shang a much darker sense of humour.**

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I was up long before the rest of the camp. The horizon glowed a brilliant orange that swept across the land and behind the rows of tents. I rose from my uncomfortable mattress and started to pace around the room. I could do this. I _had_ to do this! For my father. For China. I sat back down on the bed. How was I going to train a troupe of warriors when all I had was a school of boys? I had been arrogant and naive coming into this. I thought it would have been easy. But I hadn't realized that they didn't have the military background I had. I had to start from square one.

I quickly threw on my clothing and slipped a robe onto my shoulders. As soon as I exited my tent, I was greeted my the sounds of arguing. _Great. _I walked onto the grounds and saw that one of the men, Yao something or other, had Ping by the collar.

"Soldiers!" I yelled. They all looked up and jumped into an orderly line. I stalked over; shoulders squared. I tried to look as threatening as I could. _If they fear you, they will respect you. _Eyeing each of them, I stepped over to the barrel of staffs. I slipped off my robe.

"You assemble swiftly and silently every morning. Any one who acts otherwise," I grabbed the bow and arrows and marched past them, "Will answer to me." _Fear was key._

From behind me I heard Yao mumble, "Ooo, tough guy."I spun and drew my bow.

"Yao." All of the others jumped back, leaving him to fend for himself. I aimed between his eyes, but swivelled and shot. The arrow arched through the air and hit the top of the wooden post with a thud. I smiled sarcastically; cocking my head to the side.

"Thank you for volunteering!" His eyes followed up to the arrow. My voice dropped back to demanding. "Retrieve the arrow." He glared at me, but bowed anyway, mumbling some incoherent sentence, although I managed to catch "pretty boy" and "with my shirt on", and I motioned to Chi Fu to step forward. He trudged to the base of the post.

"One moment," I called,"You seem to be missing something." I removed the weights from their cases.

"This," I turned to the rest of the boys, speaking loudly, "Represents discipline." I hung the weight from his wrist, only to watch it thud to the ground when I released it. "And this represents strength," I explained moving on the other wrist. _Or humiliation_, I mused silently. "You need both to reach the arrow."

Yao gazed up the length of the post, and then with a look of determination, jumped up, only to reach about two feet up and slide back down.

I watched as each and every one of them hit the ground. As Ping walk past, I absently rubbed the back of my neck. "We've got a long way to go." I tossed out the staffs, and each boy clumsily caught it. Except Ping, of course, who somehow ended up on the ground.

I ran through a simple technique, tossing porcelain pots into the air and spinning the staff, shattering them each in turn. The boys watched wide-eyed, and held the staff in front of them. As I watched Ping began moving wildly, jerking his body back and forth, striking anyone and everyone around him. _Did they send me daughters when I asked for sons?_

I vaulted over the injured boys to Ping, only to be hit in the stomach with his staff. I doubled over, my breath had escaped my lips in a rush. I ducked to avoid being hit again and then grabbed his staff as it came around. I jerked it out of his hands and grabbed him by the collar, pulling him close. "You're the saddest bunch I've ever met." I threw staff down and pushed him away, walking back to the barrel. Grabbing my arrows and bow, I marched away.

"Next!"

-

After target practice failed, miserably, I brought them to the edge of a steep ravine leading to the river. I placed a bucket of water on the top of my head, balancing it in a way I had so painstakingly practices in my childhood, and grabbed a staff.

"Pick up the stones," I ordered. I deflected each of the stones in turn, moving slightly to even the bucket. "Now," I called, a sneer crossing my face, "Who wants to try first?"

I watched as Yao knocked the bucket off of his head with his own staff, and as Chien-Po tripped over his. Ping ended up with the bucket over his head, soaking his shoulders and almost hitting me with a stone. "You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue." I sighed and looked over each of them. _Fear_, I reminded myself,_ fear was everything. _

"Moving on!"

-

Day after day, and practise after practise, the boys repeatedly failed, although I must admit I might have enjoyed sparring, and I had to withhold my laughter when a stray cannon hit Chi Fu's tent. Despite these moments, I found myself getting more and more frustrated, and more and more disappointed. Before I knew it, the sun had sunk into the land, and the boys had dispersed into their tents. My hopelessness made me restless, and I found it impossible to lay down.

I exited my tent and began to walk in any direction. I tried to avoid the boys as much as possible, and steered clear of anywhere near Chi Fu's replacement tent. I eventually found myself at the base of a rock wall on the edge of the camp. I climbed to the top of a rocky perch which overlooked the site. I rested my chin in my hands.

They were not ready for war. It was as simple as that. Some, maybe, had potential. I might be able to do something. But what about Ping? Stray cannons, inability to spar, cheating during target practise? But I couldn't just kick him out of the army, could I? _He'll prove himself soon,_ I thought. I hoped. If not, it would be clear that he was not suited for the military. I would send him home.

With that decision made, I set off towards my tent.

-

At dawn the next morning, the boys assembled quickly. I stood solemnly in front of the staffs and many bags of rice. They looked suspiciously down, then back up at me. I smiled.

"Tie one of these onto each end of your staff," I looked down the line.

"We're going running."

-

The path consisted of running up a not-so-steep hill, but the trail was narrow and rocky. I set out first, with Chi Fu on his horse, and the others following. As we neared the top, I heard Chi Fu's voice over the heavy panting of the other boys. I paused, and followed Chi Fu's pointed finger to the very back of the group. There was Ping, stumbling with the staff on his shoulders, before eventually collapsing. I saw a shimmer of red, and for a moment was afraid that he was bleeding, but it was gone once I reached him. He gazed up at me, exhaustion heavy on his eyelids. This was his last chance. And although I hated it, knew I would be doing him a favour.

I leaned down and picked up his disgarded staff, throwing it over my shoulders. I shot him a stern look that I hoped I was able to hide my disappointment. I felt it start to leak through onto my expression, so I turned away and jogged back to the crowd. I reached Chi Fu once again.

"Get one of the boys to pack up his things," I motioned to Ping. "He's done here."

-

When we arrived back to the camp, a messenger was already waiting with Ping's horse and supplies. I sighed and grabbed the reins. I was really dreading this. The horse pulled at the reins and jerked him head back, giving me a glare that said _How dare you! Don't you know he's trying?_

I sighed again and pulled the horse along with me. I saw Ping approach the site, behind everyone else by several minutes. At first, I considered putting it all away and giving him another chance. But a tiny voice in my head, which sounded much like my father, said _You would easily step into battle at any moment for your country, but can't face a boy to save his life? _I shook the thought away, squared my shoulders, and walked up to Ping before I could change my mind.

He saw me approach, and immediately stood at attention, before seeing his horse and supplies. I took a deep breath.

"You're unsuited for the rage of war, so pack up, go home, you're through." He looked like he was about to protest, but decided against it. His whole posture seemed to crumble, and he seemed to sink into himself. He took the reins from my hands and slunk away, looking defeated. I sighed and turned away. The poor boy. I can't imagine going home to my own father, and telling him that I was denied the opportunity to fight in a war. Especially when his father was Fa Zhou. _The _Fa Zhou. I shook my head.

_You're doing him a favour. You're saving his life. He should be thankful. You saved him._ For what seemed like the millionth time today, I sighed. _Then why do I feel so guilty?_

_-_

**Okay, so the song was a little hard to write, and I didn't want it to turn into a songfic, so I did the best I could. Hope you like it!!!**


	5. Guilt

The guilt was devouring me. I sat hunched on my mattress; my face buried in my hands. Part of me tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing, but a much bigger, much more annoying part of me told myself to stop being so naive and face up to the fact that I had made a mistake. A very big mistake.

I was supposed to train these boys; make them warriors. And instead, I grew impatient and ordered Ping home. I knew he was a bit of an outsider with the others, because of his size and awkwardness, but I was his trainer; his mentor. I was supposed to treat all of the boys equally, and instead found myself just as bad as the rest of them. I shook my head.

I had betrayed him. I had let him down, much more than he had let me down. It was my own fault that I did not train him properly, but then I had abandoned him. I felt a painful ache in my chest. _Traitor_.

I stood up and paced around the miniscule tent. I wondered how far he would be by now. Surely he couldn't have gone to far in one nightfall. Maybe, if I sent someone out, I would be able to find him, and bring him back, give him another chance. Maybe if I–

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a commotion outside of my tent. I jumped into defense-mode. _Has the camp been invaded? _Without hesitation, I jerked back the flap of the tent. Boys and men were gathered around, shouting and cheering. I looked around, but the site was empty.

I only heard a faint buzz until an arrow buried itself in the moist grass. I stiffened and jerked my head up and saw–

_Ping_? Surely it couldn't be.... I squinted my eyes, but sure enough, there was Ping, the thin, gangly teen , sitting atop the wooden post with a look of, well, what could only be described as self confidence. There was nothing arrogant or mocking about his expression. He looked at me in a way as if he felt he had proved himself. My heart sang in my chest, and blood pounded in my ears. I motioned for him to come back down.

I watched as he slid down the post, using the entwined weights on his wrists as pulls to slow him down. Once his feet landed gracefully on the grass, he turned and walked towards me, his shoulders pushed back and his head held high. It was all I could do to keep a smile off of my face. Once he had reached me, I nervously cleared my throat.

"You, uh, you may unpack your things." His eyes widened with excitement.

"Yes, sir.!"He turned and started running back to the stable.

"Ping?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Good work." And I turned back to my tent, leaving Ping standing speechless behind me.


	6. For What It's Worth

**Hello! I was on vacation, so I couldn't update for awhile, so this is a fairly long chapter!**

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Slowly, little by little, I saw the boys improve. They were able to keep their balance, run longer, fight harder. And slowly, little by little, I felt my doubt start to slip away. They were becoming an army. My army. But as the final day of training approached, I felt my old fears return. I knew I was going to have to step up training, and then they would be ready. _Or so I hoped._

_

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_

"Troops!" I barked. They all assembled within seconds. I paced in front of them. "Now I know we are supposed to meet the troops in less than a months time," a wave of murmurs drifted through the line, but my firm gaze silenced everyone. "But I don't believe you're ready. At least not yet. You have a lot of work to do, and I expect you to rise to the challenge. If not," my eyes swept over the crowd, warningly, "Then you will not join us. Understood?" I got a consensus of nods as a response. I nodded back.

"Good, then. Sparring. Ping. Now."

I watched as Ping's eyes widened, and then as he stepped forward. I wasn't being unfair, I was just, well, _ensuring_ that allowing him to stay was the right decision. _Right?_

I backed up and took on a fighting stance. Ping mimicked my movements, and we circled each other. His fist shot out, and I crouched and swung my leg around, to which he jumped over. A series of hits and blocks followed. We dodged each other, too closely matched to triumph over the other. We were both tiring. My punches were becoming more and more inaccurate, my dodges were slower. I noticed the same in Ping. Sweat dripped down his face, his breathing became laboured.

Suddenly, his arm stabbed upwards, and my hand shot up and barely blocked it. His free hand swung around towards my head, but I brought my arm between us, and brushed him away. I swung my arm forcefully towards his head, but found it instead whistling through the air. I jumped back towards him, but hadn't righted myself when Ping's foot collided with my jaw.

My head snapped backwards and I flew backwards. The impact knocked my breath away and I tumbled into the grass. When my body stilled, I opened my eyes to see colours swimming through my vision. When the world finally righted itself, I found myself staring into blue. I groaned and lifted my head.

Ping stood there, staring at his own hands in amazement, then looking up at me, his eyes shining. Once his eyes fell over me, his expression changed to concern. A wave of pride washed over me, and I absently rubbed my aching jaw. I couldn't contain myself. A smile swept over my face.

Ping rushed over and offered his hand. I grabbed it, my palm swallowing his thin fingers. Once I was on my feet, I brushed myself off.

"I suppose I have no reason to worry, then, do I?" Ping's face turned into a wide grin, his eyes lighting up. I shook my head.

"Next. Chien Po." As I began for another round of sparring, I tried to ignore Chi Fu's disapproving glare.

-

That night, I made my way back to my tent. The other men were planning to go to the lake, but I preferred my privacy. Besides, I had been beaten around today. I couldn't help but smile again at the thought. So they were ready. And with that all of my fears, all of my doubts, melted away.

"Captain Li?" I turned to face a man standing at the entrance to my tent.

"Yes?"

"Chi Fu requests you to join him in his tent." My mood sank but I nodded anyways. _Requests. As if I have a choice. _I arrived at the door and swept open the flap. He sat at his desk, his body hunched over his writing, his spine curving to look like a feeding rodent. I cleared my throat.

"Yes, Chi Fu?" I couldn't keep the irritation from my voice. He turned to face me.

"Ah, yes. Have a seat. We need to discuss the training and future of your so-called _army,_" he sneered, the last word leaving his mouth bitter with mockery. I raised an eyebrow, but remained silent. _This should be interesting. _I sat uncomfortably on the top of his short dresser.

"I know they have improved, somewhat, but, well, they aren't prepared for this! You cannot expect a group of boys to defeat an army of thousands of Huns, can you?" I sighed.

"I can, and I will. And they aren't boys. Not anymore. They're done. They're ready. You've seen what they can do, _without weapons!_" I absently rubbed my jaw again. Chi Fu scoffed.

"What, Ping? That boy wouldn't know who he is fighting and who's on his side! He is hopeless. You should have gotten rid of him when you had the chance!" _That's it! Stupid oversized weasel....._

"There is nothing wrong with Ping! He has passed the training easily! Yes, maybe he's a little," my anger made it impossible for me to form the word, any word. "_Odd, _but he has achieved higher, and improved faster than any of the other _**men.**__ He. Is. A. Soldier." _my voice was rising higher and higher, and I was so angry I was seeing red. I forced myself to level my voice. "We only have a month, but I think if we just–"

"You think your troops are ready to _fight? _Ha!" He bent down to look me in the eye, as if I were a child. "They would not last a minute against the Huns!" My nails dug into my knees.

"They completed their training."

"Those _**boys**_," he dragged out the word, his voice full of scorn, "Are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain!" If it was possible, my eyebrows rose higher. I pressed my lips together.

"Once the general reads my report," he said proudly, motioning to the neat symbols on his paper. _Suck up. _"Your troops will never see battle." He leaned over his board, scribbling in his obsessively neat writing, as if dismissing me. I stood quickly and grabbed the edge of the board pushing it down. I saw my own furious expression reflected in his beady eyes.

"We're not finished!" His cold, bony hands plucked mine off of his paper.

"Be careful, _captain. _The General may be your father, but _I_," he hissed, tilting up his chin, "Am the Emperor's counsel." He strutted towards the tent flap, but paused at the entrance. "And, oh, by the way," He let out a quiet, scornful laugh "I got that job on my own. You're dismissed." He pointed his chin towards the ceiling and swept open the flap. I clenched my hands at my sides. I marched out.

Anger boiled throughout me. Red danced in my vision, and even in just a robe I felt heated in the cool, crisp air. _That stupid oversized rodent... _I almost didn't notice Ping standing in front of my, and, at the moment, I couldn't have a rational conversation, especially with Ping and his strange quips and outbursts.

"Hey! I'll hold him, and you punch." He brought his fist into his palm. I know my expression was harsh, but I just couldn't deal with this right now. I brushed past him. He muttered some incoherent sentence behind me. I kept walking until his voice cut through the silence.

"For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain." That stopped me. I glanced back quickly. Ping stood, looking sympathetic and almost, well, understanding. Did he know what it was like to not be good enough? To _never _be good enough? I forced myself to keep walking. _That, _I thought, _is actually worth a lot._

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	7. Do Not Cry

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* * *

I stormed into my tent. How dare he? How could he even say..... I closed my eyes. Not only had he insulted Ping, and my army, he had told me that I wouldn't have been able to get the job as captain if it weren't for my father. I paced back and forth. _That's it. The last straw._

I had fought for my position. I had proven I was worthy. I spent hours of my childhood training, while others had played. They scraped their knees, I practised until my hands bled. I _earned_ this. I feared that his ranting would get to the troops. I feared they would believe him, that I would lose their respect and that I would be unable to discipline them. But most of all, I feared he was right.

I brought my hands up to my face. Maybe he was right. Maybe I should just–

"Captain!" I jerked my head around. Chi Fu stood at the flap of my tent. His head was wrapped in a towel, as well half of his chest. If his expression wasn't so horrified, I would have laughed. "Urgent news from the General! We're needed at the site!" _Oh no._

"When?" I asked.

"As soon as possible! They sent an urgent message!" He handed me a scroll. I grabbed it and my eyes scanned through. I nodded.

"We'll leave tomorrow morning."

* * *

The tents were gone; camp was nearly empty. The supplies were loaded in a carriage, one which Ping's horse was pulling. The men were dressed in their armour. I mounted my horse and stared them down.

"The General needs us. The Emperor needs us. _China _needs us. Are we going to let them down?"

"No, sir!" I nodded in response. The troops assembled behind me, including Chi Fu, who was dressed in a ridiculous fur-lined coat. _Oh, this is going to be a long walk._

* * *

On the fifth day, I could tell the soldiers' strength and endurance were starting to wear away. They dragged their feet and slumped over, the armour weighing them down. _We're almost there..._

They mumbled softly, I'm sure trying to prevent me from hearing their complaints. But Ling, always the optimist cried out above everyone else.

"Hey! Think of, instead, a girl with fighting for!" This got them going. Ling painted a descriptive picture, describing every detail. I listened, although I would never admit it, and I found it extremely amusing as the other men joined in. They seemed to have thought this through. Many times over. Every single one of them. Was it just me who didn't daydream about this – these – things? I shook my head, trying to contain my laughter as Chien Po finished his description. At this point, I was trembling with humour. I managed to give a quick glance backwards in time to see the men patiently awaiting an answer from Ping.

"Uh, how 'bout a girl who's got a brain, and always speaks her mind." The beginning was confident, but the end of his sentence sounded more like a question. The other soldiers waved him off, but his answer stuck with me. I tried to imagine my quite, soft-spoken mother putting my intimidating father in his place. The very thought made me almost convulse into laughter. I bit my lip, and it resulted in me letting out what sounded like a sarcastic snort. Chi Fu looked over and raised his mousy eyebrows, but said nothing. I shook my head and continued on. A girl with a brain who always speaks her mind? Definitely my kind of woman.

* * *

As we continued on, we passed into a region that was covered with snow. I realized how lucky our camp was to be able to avoid the cold weather for so long. We were so close to the camp, we should be able to see it by now. But all I was able to see was the remains of a hibernating forest.

We walked closer and closer, and I felt a dark feeling start to stir within me. Something was not right. When I saw the remains of the wall, I couldn't breathe. I could sense the silence and horror in the troops, but couldn't hear, because my heart was pounding in my ears. My stomach felt like lead.

I lead my horse through the remains, and pulled up beside Ping and dismounted. He grasped a small, discarded doll in his hands. He looked up at me; his soft eyes filled with emotion. I wasn't planning on saying anything, but I found the words of worry I had tried to conceal rushing out.

"I don't understand. My father should have been here." Before Ping could respond, Chi Fu's sharp voice sliced through the air, seeming to disturb the hushed spell that had fallen over us.

"Captain!" I slowly made my way over to him. My heartbeat was pulsing in my ears, my footsteps falling in pace with the hammering in my chest. I looked over the crest of the hill. _Please, no. Gods have mercy. _

Total horror consumed me. It left dark spots in my vision and an empty ache in my chest. My whole body trembled. And that's when I saw Chien Po approach with my father's helmet in hand. It was all I could do to keep upright. My legs wouldn't buckle. My pounding head quickened, faster and faster.

"The General," Chein Po whispered. I numbly reached forward._ Pounding. Steady pounding._ He offered the helmet. _Faster and faster. _His hands lowered onto mine. _So fast it was just a vibration. _The helmet toppled into my sweating palms. _Silence. _

I drew in a breath. The air was ashy and thick. _Please, no. _I dragged my leaden feet through the snow towards the edge of the hill. Shakily, I drew my sword. I plunged it into the frozen ground. I kneeled in the snow, ignoring the chills that creeped into my legs. I gently placed my father's helmet on the hilt of sword. I bowed my head in respect. _I guess I would never earn his approval. Not now. _

I heard footsteps behind me and I struggled to control my emotions.

"I'm sorry." Ping. His voice was high and soft. I hadn't heard that voice since the day I met him. Swallowing my emotions, I rose to my feet. I turned towards Ping and rested my hand on his shoulder. _Don't cry. Don't make him ashamed of you. _I tried to find a response, but the words were thick and heavy in my throat, and I couldn't choke them out. I nodded towards him, and walked away.

Moving throughout the stares of the troops, I made my way my horse. _Don't cry. Do not cry. _I squeezed my eyes shut. _He would be horrified if you cried now. _With one last breath, I mounted my horse.

"The Huns are moving quickly. We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Shao pass," the words came out dry and forced. They scraped my throat and poured over my chin. "We're the only hope for the Emperor, now." The troops stared sympatheticly towards me. I can't stand this. "Move out."

* * *

We climbed through the thick snow. My breath was still coming out painfully. It had been a few hours, but the pain was still sharp and deep.

An explosion behind me made me jump. I swung my horse around in an instant. I saw no sign of a threat, except for a gaping hole in the front of the wagon. I forced my anger down, but it rose again, overflowing my restraints. I galloped over to where Ping held the reins of his horse.

"What happened?" Ping gaped, unable to give an explanation. My anger raged again.

"You just gave away our position! Now–" I was cut off by a soft whistling and and arrow striking my armour. I was knocked off of my horse and into the deep snow. A rain of arrows flew overhead, striking the ground in numbers in the hundreds. I pulled the arrow from my shoulder. "Get out of range!"

_Gods have mercy._


	8. Raining Fire

It was raining fire. We struggled to reach a safe place, but flames rained down on us. A shrill cry of a horse made me turn. Ping struggled to hold the reins of his horse, who was panicking, trying to buck off the wagon which had been consumed in flames.

"Save the cannons!" I cried. Men surrounded the wagon, unloading it's contents. We raced forward, ducking beneath a sharp cluster of rocks. "Fire!" Our cannons blasted into the mountains, leaving a train of black smoke and fire behind them. I gazed around Ping had just dived behind the rocks. _Where was Chi Fu?_

"Fire!" I cried again, and another round of cannons went off. A loud boom, then silence. The smoke loomed around us. We were all holding our breathes, no one moved. The smoke finally cleared, revealing a large figure at the crest of the hill. _Shan-Yu. _

What I was not prepared for was the army behind him. Thousands. Maybe more. "Prepare to fight," I said stupidly. Was there any point? But nevertheless, the men all bared their swords. Unfortunately, so did their leader, and the army coasted down the hill. Yao, our best shot, prepared the last cannon.

"Yao, aim the cannon at Shan-Yu." Ping pushed right behind me, shoving Yao out of the way and grabbing the cannon. "Ping! Come back!" I called. He was going to kill himself. I couldn't lose any soldiers. Especially not Ping. He was odd, yes, but brave. So brave. He was one of the best, if not the best. I watched in horror as he ran towards the Hun army.

He tumbled into the snow and plunged the cannon in, and I could see, even from my position, that it was too high to be accurate. He'll kill us all. Shan-Yu's hawk swept low and knocked him away. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn't move. _Please, not Ping. _But he must have found the flint, because the cannon sailed up, and out of site into the mountains. We were doomed.

-

A rumbling shook my feet, and I struggled to maintain my balance. Shan-Yu slashed at Ping, and he was knocked aside. _Ping! _I jumped from my perch on the rocks and ran towards Ping. I charged through the snow, trying to reach him, even though I knew I woudn't make it.

But before I could even come close to Ping, or the army, a white wall of snow and ice slammed down before me, devouring the army in it's hungry wake. I stared wide-eyed at it, unable to move. Ping! He was a _genius! _I was hoping to destroy the leader, one person, but Ping had triumphed over the whole army. And suddenly, he was here, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the avalache.

As we sprinted away, I heard the familiar neigh of Ping's horse. _That has got to be the smartest horse I have ever met. _And then the snow was upon us, pulling at our limbs and trying to pull us under. Ping reared towards me, reaching out his arm. I grabbed his hand, but my legs were swept out from under me. I was gone.


	9. No Longer Ping

Falling. I was vaguely aware of my rapid decent in a sea of snow and ice. I was grappling on the edge of unconsciousness, and all I could hear was the roar as the sheet of cold pounded into the ground below me. My head ached. My legs throbbed. I was jerked to a stop, my head snapping back, adding yet another pain to my body.

Was I dead? Had I hit the bottom? I could still feel the soreness in my body. I groaned and tried to pick myself up, but couldn't get ahold of anything.

"Shang? Shang? Captain?"

I cracked open my eyes, and the world swam before me. Slowly, as it righted itself, I saw the blanket of snow on the ground leaving just the peaks of trees appearing. Hundreds of feet below me. I froze. Instead of the ground hurtling towards me, I was slowly rising, growing farther and farther away. I felt arms wrap around me, and for a second, I saw Ping's worried face hovering above me. I was dragged backwards, my feet leaving trails in the snow. I was laid softly on the ground, gasping for breath as my body suddenly realized the physical activities I had been involved in.

Ping slowly crawled up beside me, showing signs of being in just as much pain as I was, although I tried not to show it. I surveyed him, trying to recall how this had happened. I had _watched_ him in front of me, gripping the reins of his horse. _Hadn't he been safe? How did he manage to... _My mind was swimming, the pieces slowly started falling into place. _Had he gone back for me?_ Had he really turned around, risking his life, risking a _horse, _a key mode of transportation if someone was injured, for me. He had jumped off of a _cliff_ to save his harsh, intimidating, unlikeable commanding officer.

"Ping," I gasped, "You are the _craziest _man I've ever met!"

His face was solemn and he gazed at his knees; panting. I immediately felt guilty, and my face softened. I didn't always need to be the harsh mentor. I wasn't my father. As hard as I tried. Fear wasn't always respect. I wasn't afraid of Ping, I had never been afraid, but I respected him more than any other man. So I added,

"And for that I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust." He met my gaze, looking astonished, and I smiled.

"Let's hear it for Ping, the bravest of us all!" Ling cried, and all of the troops cheered. Ping smiled, looking a little overwhelmed, and shakily rose to his feet, and collapsed again.

"Ping!" I could hear the panic in my voice, "What's wrong?" He groaned and brought his hand away from his side. Blood stained his fingertips.

"He's wounded! Get help!" I kneeled in front of him. His eyes were unfocused.

"Hold on," I whispered. "Hold on." And he was gone.

"Ling! Go to the nearest town. Get a healer." He nodded and departed, running full-speed. "Yao! Chien Po! Set up a tent! Quickly, now!" I slid my arms under Ping, lifting him cautiously from the ground. He moaned.

"Hold on, Ping," I whispered. I easily carried Ping away from the edge of the cliff, and tried to make my strides as smooth as possible. By the time I reached the site, the tent was already set up. I nodded towards the men. Chien Po swept the tent flap open, and I stepped inside.

All we had were several blankets, and I lay Ping down cautiously down on one. I turned another into a roll and gingerly placed it beneath his head. His heavy armour was still on, but I wouldn't risk removing it if it would hurt him even more. I grabbed the last blanket and swept it over him. I knelt beside the make-shift bed and gave a short, stiff laugh. I finally had a friend, and he is now near death.

What seemed like hours later, an old, wrinkled man appeared at the door of the tent. He held a mangled bag in one hand. I understood immediately, and bowed to the healer before exiting. _Now, to wait. _

-

I paced outside of the tent, back and forth.

"He'll be fine! Don't worry, Captain," Chien Po's gentle voice floated from where the troops sat. I smiled, although it turned out more like a grimace, and continued to pace.

"He will," Ling assured, "The bravest of us all, right?" The men nodded in agreement. My hands were shaking. I went from knowing my whole army would die to being impossibly concerned when one of my soldiers was injured. But Ping wasn't just any soldier. He was crazy enough to do something incredibly stupid, as well as risk his life to save China. To save the army. To save me. I would never forget that. I owed him everything.

Finally, the healer emerged from the tent. The creases and lines in his face made him look grim, and my heart sank. _Relax, _I thought, _you're getting ahead of yourself. _I approached the healer.

"Well? How, um, how is he?" I tried to even my voice, but the healer shook his head.

"Fine. But, well, there's something you should know." My hands began to shake uncontrollably.

"What? What is it?" He shook his head again.

"He is not a he." My eyes widened.

"Uh, _what?_ That's, no, that's, that's, _not possible!_"

"Well, apparently–" But I didn't let him finish. I barged into the tent, my pulse once again pounding in my ears. Ping lay on the ground, calm, serene. Just Ping. I relaxed. But he realized I was there, and sat up. The blanket fell away and, and–

Ping saw my shocked expression and looked down. He– _she_– pulled the blanket back up.

"I can explain," No longer Ping, the stranger before me looked up; eyes watching me closely. I turned away. Chi Fu burst through the tent flap.

"So it's true!" I had never felt so, so, _betrayed. _I charged out of the tent.

"Shang!" Ping called. No, not Ping. Not anymore. Chi Fu followed me, pulling along, _that woman._

"I knew there was something wrong with you!" He pulled at Ping's hair, and it fell around his – her – shoulders. He through her into the snow. "Treacherous snake!"

"My name is Mulan," she called. I had turned my back, but could not look back. "I did it to save my father." This time, I turned.

"High treason!" called Chi Fu.

"I didn't mean for it to go this far!" Chi Fu leaned his mousy face close to hers.

"Ultimate dishonour!"

"It was the only way!" I turned away, once again, trying to hide my emotions. "Please, believe me."

"Hmph," Chi Fu returned to my side. "Captain." He nodded knowingly. I glanced back. She sat, huddled in the snow, the blanket pulled around her shoulders. She looked so, so, small. I knew what I had to do. I grabbed the sword sheathed at Ping's, _Mulan's_, horse's side. It fought against it's restraints, and I was faintly aware of Chi Fu barking orders. I approached her.

Ping, Mulan. Mulan, Ping. They were the same, weren't they? But no, that's not true. Ping saved my life. Ping defeated an entire army single-handedly. But Mulan? She commited high treason. Ping was a soldier. Mulan was a criminal. But Ping lied to me. To everyone. Mulan risked her life to save her father's.

I knew my decision.


	10. Wrong Decision

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* * *

The sword hit the snow with a soft thud. I clenched my hands at my sides to stop them from shaking. She looked up at me, eyes wide.

"A life for a life," I whispered. "My debt is repaid." I took one last glance at the woman before me. _I trusted you. _And I walked away.

"Move out," I ordered. But Chi Fu was instantly beside me, stuttering.

"But, but you can't just–" I gripped him by the collar.

"I said, Move. Out." I could hear the venom in my voice. My words were thick and slimy, harsh enough to ensure it was steady and even. I pushed him away from me and continued walking. Every step I took held punishing words. _Failure. Weak. Coward. _I didn't look back.

We moved silently through the snow, no one speaking. The only sound was our footsteps and the echo of our breathing. Chi Fu was glaring at me, his mousy face and beady eyes staring me down, giving me his familiar disapproving look. But I didn't care. Not now. Not when I had a million other things running through my mind.

_How could I not have known? _I should have realized. I fought through all of my memories, looking for a sign I could have missed. The high voice, the awkwardness, the obsessive privacy. But the strength, determination, the bravery. A soldier. Definitely a soldier.

I thought of Ping –_ Mulan–_ huddled in the snow. She looked so small, so..._helpless_... so beautiful. _No! She was a traitor. A criminal. He lied to you! She! __She__ lied to you! _But no, that's not true. It was Ping who lied. Mulan took her father's place. Saved his life. But they were the same weren't they?

And that was the question that pounded through me; that made my head ache. Ping, Mulan. Mulan, Ping. Were they the same person? Ping was a soldier, brave and fierce. A warrior. Mulan was fragile. Pale. And, well, a... a _woman. _But it was Mulan all along. She _was _Ping. She _is _Ping. I sighed, a sharp pain running through my head. It was best to just forget. And, as this thought ran into my mind, I saw the Imperial City on the horizon, the sun rising behind it like a beckon of hope, of light, of safety. We made it.

The tall doors swung wide before us. Pillars rose up before us, adorned in smooth gold which climbed up to the ceiling like vines. I lead the men into the throne room. The Emperor sat upon the dais, his back resting tall against his chair. His eyes held the worn look of old parchment, flat, dull. I reached the dais and knelt before him, bowing my head. The clearing of his throat was my indication to rise, and I did so.

"Your Majesty, your Imperial Army," my voice grew thick again, and I struggled with my emotions. "Your Imperial Army has been attacked." His face grew grim, his usually sharp eyes darkened. "There were no survivors." My voice shook, and I silently cursed my emotion.

The Emperor nodded. When he spoke, his voice was heavy and grave. "Well, I suppose we need to rework our plans." I sensed Chi Fu stiffen beside me. _Imagine that, a cowardly rat, the General of China's greatest army._

I shook my head, trying to hide my tear-filled eyes. _Don't make your father ashamed of you. Do NOT cry. _"We also had an encounter of our own with the Hun army." And I told him. I told him everything. My throat constricted as I mentioned Ping – _Mulan – _and I had to clear my throat to continue. When I finally finished, the light returned to his eyes, his posture heightened. He stepped down from his throne, his wrinkled face seemed to hold laughter in itself.

"You are heroes," he looked at each of us, "Every one of you. You have saved us all." A smile spread over his face, like a light turning on, a mirror catching the sun. "All of China will celebrate in your honour."

I sat uncomfortably in the saddle, staring at the closed doors. Red, just like everything else here. The other men shifted nervously behind me. I heard the echo of a booming voice and the roar of the crowd. The doors before me opened. Lights. Streamers. People. A sea of people. I stepped out of the darkness.

Cheers. They echoed through the crowd. I could not think of anything but. Ping. _Mulan! _I silently cursed. She was the real hero. She was the one who saved China. Who saved me. And I brushed her aside because.... Because why? Because she was a woman? Because I couldn't handle it?_What had I done?_

But she was a criminal, right? I let out a low growl. This was giving me yet another headache. I looked behind me. The troops looked solemn, enable to enjoy this moment when _she _was so obviously absent. The guilt was starting to get to me, I knew. I remembered how she had called my name. _Shang! I can explain! Shang! Shang!_

"Shang!" I blinked. Was that...? And suddenly, she was there, her face flustered yet determined.

"Mulan?"

"The Huns are alive! They're in the city!" _No, not possible. I saw them die._ The pain I had tried so hard to suppress cut through me again, and I felt tears bite into my eyes again. I would _not _feel guilty.

"You don't belong here, Mulan," I hissed. "Go home." _Nice, Shang. That'll help the guilt. _But nevertheless, I rode forward. But I was right about her determination, and she caught up to me in a manner of seconds.

"Shang, I sawthem in the mountains! You _have _to believe me!" Part of me wanted to, but I thought of walking through the tent flap. Seeing..... _her. _Pain and anger boiled within me once again.

"Why should I?" Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed together. She rode forwards, but cut off my path.

"Why else would I come back?" I couldn't think of an answer. "You said you trust Ping! Why is _Mulan _any different?" And there it was. The question that haunted since I had unsheathed her sword on the mountain. Was there a difference?

Speechless, I took the coward's way out. I ran. I swerved around her and left her behind. For the second time.

As we reached the final steps of our ride, I dismounted. The applause was thunderous, shaking the cobblestone street. The troops made their way up the steps, dragging their feet and looking depressingly downwards. I told a bitter gulp and pulled my heavy legs up the stairs.

Approaching the Emperor, I now stood at the top of the steps, with an ocean of cheering people behind me. Fireworks exploded in the air, trailing to the ground like the tail of a dragon; twisting and waving. Drums thundered behind me. I turned to Chi Fu, and he handed me Shan-Yu's sword. I gripped on to it, praying that it wouldn't slip in my sweaty palms. The gong sounded. Silence.

The Emperor raised his hands to his people. "My children! The heavens smile down upon the middle kingdom!" His voice echoed through the crowd. "China will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors." _Thanks to Ping. _The sea of people erupted into cheers. I looked down at the sword. This was not my honour. I swallowed my guilt.

"Your majesty. I present to you the sword of Shan Yu." I bowed and offered him the heavy sword. He looked down at me.

"I know what this means to you, Captain Li. Your father would have been very proud." I looked up in surprise. My heart sang. My ears rang. _My father. _I gave a weak smile, almost unable to comprehend what he had just said. I had always begged for my father's approval. And now? I had finally earned it? As ridiculous as it seemed, I felt completed. Finished. I had achieved my greatest goal. _Now what?_

A horrible cry pierced the air. The sword was snatched from my hand. I looked up. The great creature soared through the air, towards the roof. A hand shot up from the darkness. _Shan Yu. _

She was right. I had ignored her, because of my own pride. Because of my own anger. And now all of China would pay.

My hand immediately went to the hilt of my sword, and I heard the tearing of paper. Huns burst from the celebratory costume dragon behind me. I drew my sword, but was quickly outmatched and was thrown aside. My head hit the stone stairs and my head rang. The Emperor! He was dragged up the steps and through the doors. No!

I charged up the steps. So close! But the heavy doors swung shut just as I reached them. NO! I slammed my fist against the wood. The sturdy doors seemed to mock me, my weakness. Defeated, I rested my forehead against the smooth surface. The other men reached me quickly. I looked around desperately.

"Grab the statue!" Chien Po grabbed the heavy stone, and rocked it forward. It wobbled and slowly fell into the waiting hands of the troops. "Now!" The stone hit the door and sent a painful vibration through my arms. "Now!" Another hit. No movement. A sharp whistle made us all turn._ Mulan!_

"Hey guys!" We all turned. "I've got an idea." And she was gone, racing away from us. We exchanged a quick glance. Yao, Ling, and Chien Po dropped the statue and took off after her. Shifting the incredibly heavy stone in my arms, I glared after them, an inner battle roaring through my veins. She saved China. I had left her behind, and she had come back to save China. I had left her behind _again, _and now she had a plan to save China. With a sigh, I finally let go of the cool stone and flew after them, hoping I would reach them in time.

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	11. Stay Alive

I ran as fast as my legs would carry me, but I had lost sight of them. I looked around desperately. Bright colours caught my eyes. They were a stark contrast against the solid red of the Palace. My breath heavy, I slowly reached them. I touched_ her_ shoulder. She swung around to look at me, her eyes full of shock.

I untied my cape and mimicked their movements, wrapping it around the pillar. I saw the smiling faces of my..... _warriors? _Faces painted, they looked like.... like.... women. Sort of. I sighed. Coated with paint and silk, they looked odd and misplaced, but underneath, they were still warriors. They were heroes, no matter what they looked like. I sighed. I owe Mulan a big apology.

We reached the top of the pillars and pulled ourselves up onto the balcony. Mulan turned to me.

"You came," she whispered, her features softening and her eyes going wide. My guilt increased. I nodded, suddenly at a loss for words. She gave a weak smile, and turned back to the others.

"Okay. Ling, Yao, Chien Po. We'll distract the guards. Shang, you come on my cue, got it?" I smiled.

"Yes, sir." She gave me a wide grin.

"Okay. Lets go." We silently made our way to the guarded throne room. Well, almost silently. The only sounds were Yao's complaints about his sore feet. I tried not to laugh. Mulan noticed my struggles and raised a thin eyebrow. As we approached the doors, she walked right past me.

"And you think being a soldier is hard. Try wearing a woman's shoes." I stopped in surprise, this time it was my turn to raise my eyebrows. The others walked past me, smiling knowingly.

"_Nice_," hissed Yao.

Mulan stuck her head out from the last pillar. At her nod, they pulled brightly coloured fans from their belts and stepped into the light. I prayed this would go well. I ducked beneath the shadows as they neared the guards. I watched Mulan waving the fan in front of her face, her hair swaying back and forth..... My cheeks heated and I looked away, realizing I'd been watching her. Captian Li Shang did _not _blush.

Ling walked forward and actually giggled, but then, to my horror, the apple rolled from his robes and hit the ground, and rolling to the feet of the guard. I groaned. That's when the fighting broke out.

I watched as Mulan kicked a bow out of the Hun's hand and pinned him down, using the empty bow as a weapon. "Shang! Go!" I charged out from behind the pillar, sword drawn and through open the doors. _Why did this place need so many stairs? _

I erupted through the doorway just as Shan Yu raised his sword. Our weapons collided, and the strength of the hit sent shock waves up to my shoulder and into my legs. My knees buckled, and I rolled to avoid the next thrust of his sword. _Stay alive. Just stay alive. _My foot came down on his sword and my foot slammed into his jaw, sending him flying back into the pillar. _You think that hurts? _I thought. _Try getting a hit from Ping. _I swung my sword over my head, but his powerful hand clamped around my wrist. I felt my feet sail off of the stone floor and over the crowd of horrified spectators.

My hands barely closed around the pillar and used all my strength to swing around and kick Shan Yu's cheek. He crashed to the ground. I seized the opportunity and pinned down the Hun, my fist contacting his face. He shoved me off and gripped me by the throat, rolling us over. _Stay alive. _My fist swung up again and I gripped his arm behind him, pulling it up his back. He let out a animal-like growl. Mulan, Yao, Ling, and Chien Po burst through the doors. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw them alive and unharmed. Chien Po picked up the Emperor and swung off the side of the balcony, using the string of paper lanterns as transportation.

Suddenly, his elbow shot up and my head snapped back. He pulled me to my feet, and before my ringing head could allow me to react, his powerful hands closed around my head. He gave a sick grin before pulling back his head and smashing it down on my skull. And then darkness. Only darkness. Mulan!

_Stay......alive........._


	12. Saved Us All

**Ta da!!! New chapter! Please review!!!!**

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I was swimming in blackness. Faintly, I heard the roar of a crowd.

"Shang? Oh, Shang, please. Please. Shang? Look at me. Shang!" I used all of my energy to crack open my eyes. Colours drifted before me, but they pulled together. And everything came back to me. Mulan! I turned my head to see Shan Yu looming over me. I gently pushed Mulan back and grabbed the dagger hidden in my belt. Shan Yu only kicked it away and struck my face.

His strong hands gripped me by the collar. "_You_ took away my victory!" he hissed, baring his sword. I squeezed my eyes shut. _I'm sorry, Mulan. _But nothing came but the sound of a soft thud and Shan Yu's growl.

"No!" I jerked my eyes open. Mulan stood behind him, one foot bare, her slipper resting discarded on the ground. _Run! _But she didn't move. "I did," she said fiercely, and pulled back her hair. Ping. I still wasn't used to how she could transform before my eyes.

"The soldier from the mountains," hissed Shan Yu. He dropped me, and I struggled through my pounding head to get to my feet, but I couldn't. But I could watch as Mulan pulled back on her slipper and fled down the steps. They were gone. _Please, _I prayed, _be careful. _And then the darkness swept over me once again.

Cheering. A monstrous cheering. And then a continuous exlosion, each bang shooting daggers into my aching head. I pulled open my eyes, and colours danced and swayed before them. The world spun and turned, and it took minutes to right itself. Fireworks? Fireworks! Mulan! I pulled myself to my feet despite my protesting body and stumbled down the steps. I became more and more steady as I ran. I had to find Mulan. She had to be alive. She had to be. I hadn't apologized. I hadn't made things right. _Stay alive, Mulan, please. _

I wove through the Palace and out through the front doors. My legs pounded down the stairs three at a time. And then I was hurtling into the stone, something heavy hit my back and caused me to fall. I stared up at the colour stained sky and pulled myself up. Mulan lay beside me, looking rather dazed herself. Relief flooded through me. Shan Yu's sword bounced down at my feet. But that means–

She had done it. She had saved China. Again. _And I was an idiot_. I left her on the mountain. If she had gone home, we would have no hope. "Mulan–"

She looked up at me, her eyes lighting up. "Yes?" Her eyes met mine, her breath ragged.

"I–" but then Yao, Ling and Chien Po rushed up, and I let out a sigh of disappointment. I thought I heard the same from her. Maybe it was just my imagination. I pulled myself to my feet as the men joined us on the steps, laughing and cheering. I reached down and helped Mulan to her feet, my hand closing around hers. _How did I not notice she was a woman?_

But as the smoke cleared, Chi Fu descended the stairs, his tall cap still smoldering.

"That was a deliberate attempt on my life! _Where is she?_" I stepped in front of her. _If I get my hands on you, it won't be just an attempt. _

"What a mess! Stand aside, that creature's not worth protecting." _Creature? _I looked back at Mulan. She stood tall. Confident. Beautiful. I turned to face Chi Fu once more. He leaned his weasely face forward. His mousy moustache was singed. Everything about this man was rodent-like, and Mulan was the creature? My anger boiled.

"She's a hero." I spat. I would never forget that again.

"She's a woman! She'll never be worth _anything!_" He sounded out each syllable. I gripped his collar, pulling him close. Rage boiled throughout my body. My hands shook.

"Listen! You pompous–"

"That. Is. Enough." The Emperor emerged from the smoke. It seemed to bow down and curl away from him, leaving an almost carved trail. I released the rodent from my hands and approached him.

"Your majesty, I can explain–" He raised his hand to silence me. Strange how my words matched Mulan's so long ago on the mountain. It seemed like years past. I bowed out of the way, revealing Mulan standing alone. She quickly bowed to the Emperor.

"I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan." My anger flashed again. _Chi Fu. _If said even one negative _word_ about her_–_

"You stole you're father's armor. You ran away from home. _Impersonated a soldier_." Oh no. I would fight for her. For her honour, if I had to. She was so much more than that. "Deceived your commanding officer." _I don't care! _I wanted to cry. _It doesn't matter, don't you see? _"Dishonoured the Chinese army. _Destroyed _my palace. And–" He motioned to the flames around him.

"You have saved us all." And I watched as the Emperor, of all of China, bowed to her. Chi Fu quickly fell to his knees. And I followed, sinking to my knees and falling to the ground, my fingertips at her feet. Mulan looked around, bewildered, as all of China followed.

After several minutes, she turned back to the Emperor. "Chi Fu," he called.

"Your Excellency," he squeaked, pen ready.

"See to it that this woman is made a member of our counsel." Chi Fu stuttered and stammered, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

"But, there are no counsel positions open, your Majesty," exclaimed Chi Fu, looking smug.

"Very well," said the Emperor, "You can have his job." I had never been the physical contact type of man, but I wanted nothing more than to cheer and throw my arms around him. Chi Fu sputtered again, then fell to the floor, looking like a mouse caught in a trap.

"With all due respect, Excellency," Mulan's soft voice broke me from my thoughts, "I think I've been away from home long enough."

"Then take this," the Emperor removed the pendant, the royal crest, from around his frail neck. "So your family will know all you have done for me. And this," he smiled, baring Shan Yu's sword, "So the world will know what you have done for China." Mulan let out a breath of air and threw her arms around him.

"Is she allowed to do that?" whispered Yao. I just shrugged, silently laughing at how she had done what I wanted to do only moments ago. She turned and embraced her friends, laughing and smiling triumphantly. She then turned to me, and my pulse pounded and my words grew thick again.

"Um, you," she looked up at me, waiting. _So beautiful. _"You... fight good." I looked away, embarrassed. _Nice....... Very smooth! You call yourself a man?_

"Oh. Thank you." and walked passed me. _Idiot!_

I watched as she mounted her horse. She turned and galloped down the stone steps. Away from the Palace, away from me. Forever. I stared after her. _Gone_.... I heard someone clear their throat beside me, and turned, shocked, to see the Emperor, proud and tall, at my side.

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." Was he–? No, not possible...

"Sir?"

"You don't meet a girl like that every Dynasty." He plucked his cap back onto the top of his barren head and walked smoothly back up the steps. I glanced back. Mulan was gone. And then I ran.

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**A little more humour in that chapter! Hope you liked it! Please review! I'd like to know if anyone is actually _reading_ this....**


	13. Staying For Dinner?

**Last chapter.... Duh duh DUNNNN! Not very dramatic since everyone knows what happens.... :) Please review  
P.S. I don't own Mulan. It's all Disney...**  


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I raced into the stable. Grabbing my saddle, reins, bridle. I threw the saddle onto the back of my steed, tightening the strap.

"Ahem." Jumping in surprise, I spun and reached for my sword, unsheathing the sharp blade and held it defensively in front of me.

The stable boy looked wide-eyed at the deadly tip, his hands up in a surrender position.

"Would you like me to get that for you, Captain?" he squeaked, his legs shaking.

I sheathed my sword, feeling my face flush.

"Uh, yes. Please. I'll be back." I handed him my supplies and raced out of the stable and back into the Palace. I reached my room, the smell of smoke staining everything I had. I grabbed a canvas satchel and started shoving articles of clothing into it. Anything I could find. I had to catch up to her. I had to tell her–

Tell her what? I really hadn't prepared anything to say. I paused. What _would _I say to her? I shrugged to myself, although I was alone, and continued packing. I'd figure it out on the ride. I finished quickly, and threw the satchel over my shoulder and fled the room.

I wove through the Palace corridors, rounded a corner, narrowly avoided crashing into...

The Emperor. My eyes grew wide and my face heated.

"I'm....I apologize, Your Majesty," his eyes twinkled with humour. He smiled knowingly at me.

"If you are, indeed, going after her, shall you mind returning this to her?" He held forth a highly polished helmet. I nodded and bowed, gingerly taking the helmet. If I didn't find her, at least I'd have something left of her. _Don't even think that._

I finally made it back to the stable, where my horse was waiting, ready for battle, with the stable boy standing by looking satisfied. I attached the satchel to the horse's side and swung up on the saddle. He looked and me patiently, waiting. _A tip! _I looked down, I had nothing but my armour and a crudely packed bag.

"I, uh..." He shook his head.

"Just go." I smiled thankfully and kicked the steed's side, and galloped out the door.

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Seven days. I had been riding for seven days, but I had seen no sign of her. The horizon was dotted with small farm houses. Fields stretched out before me, as far as I could see. I had long since passed the snow-covered region, and it although the air was cool and crisp, the land remained green. Finally, I approached a small village.

It was a small town, mostly agriculture. Small, crumbling shops lined the dirt streets. The road was fairly busy, bustling with merchants and shoppers. Carts jostled passed me, bouncing in the potholes in the roads. I dismounted my horse and lead it by the reins. Stopping on the thin side streets, I leaned into one of the tented merchant shops.

"Fa Mulan?" I asked. He shook his head and waved me off, turning back to his customers. I continued down the streets stopping several more men and women. They all shook their hands, apologized, and continued on their way, much too busy to be stopped by a desperate stranger. My hope was diminishing. This town was bigger than I thought. This was the only village I've passed for several days, and must be the centre activity in the area.

"Are you looking for Fa Mulan?" A voice behind me asked. I spun to see an squat older woman, her hair pulled back into a painfully tight bun. She stared at me with her eyebrows raised, questioningly. She wore fine clothing and stood before a well-maintained building.

"Yes," I breathed. "Do you know where I can find her?" She smiled and pointed her thin finger behind me. I turned and my gaze curved around a winding path.

"About a twenty minute ride," she croaked. I nodded and bowed.

"Thank you. Thank you." Swinging back onto my horse, I carefully made my way into the rocky street.

As I rounded another bend, I found myself nervously rehearsing what I would say to her. I didn't have a clue what to tell her, or have a reason why I came other than to see her, to return her helmet. My hands were shaking. _Why am I so nervous since I've met her? _But she had changed me, several times over. She had saved my life. She was a national hero. And here I was, holding just her helmet, my only contribution to the county's saviour. A sad, unsuitable offering.

And I had nothing to say to her. Nothing but, _Hello, remember me? The one who abandoned you and left you for dead on the mountain, then blacked out when Shan Yu tried to kill you?_

I shook my head. I would think of something. And I saw it. Her house unravelled from the ribbon of the road. And as I grew closer, my excitement seemed to multiply. The house was bright and clean. Blossoms littered the ground like a pathway, dotting the ground as if stepping stones. I climbed down from my horse and drew in a deep breath. Counting fourteen steps to the door, I raised my fist and rapped on the solid wood. Fifty-six seconds later, _not that I was counting, _I knocked again. Nothing. Only silence.

_After all of that? _I sighed in disappointment. Turning, I made my way back to my horse when I heard voices drifting in the wind. Feeling slightly nosy, I made my way past the house, keeping close to the stone wall on my side. As I reached a break in the wall, I saw two women; their heads bent together and their voices hushed. _Here goes nothing..._

"Excuse me? Does Fa Mulan live here?" I clutched the helmet in my hands, running my hands over the smooth metal. The women spun, their faces filled with shock. The younger of the two looked remarkably like Mulan. They just pointed through a break in the wall, and I slipped passed them and into the garden.

I stepped forward nervously. A man was crouched in the corner, sitting on his knees. I approached him, and he shakily got to his feet. _Fa Zhou! The Fa Zhou!_ I bowed my head in respect to the great warrior.

"Honourable Fa Zhou, I–" but before I could finish, she appeared, filling my vision and making my heart race. _Say something! Say ANYHTING. Do it! Now!_

"You forgot your helmet!" _Niiiccceee...... _"Oh, well, actually, it's your helmet, isn't it?" I stuttered, offering it over to Fa Zhou "I mean – "

He nodded towards Mulan, as if to say _Where in the __**world **__did you pick up this boy? _But she seemed to understand, and she rushed forwards, taking the helmet from me, her soft hands momentarily brushing mine.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" she asked, her soft smile making the corners of my mouth turn up as well.

"Would you like to stay forever?" exclaimed a voice from behind us. We both turned, and Mulan blushed, the warmth sweeping her face as she shook her head in silent laughter.

"_Dinner _would be great." Fa Zhou stepped forward to shake my hand.

"I don't believe we've been properly introduced." He looked at Mulan expectantly. She cleared her throat.

"This is Captain Li Shang. Shang, this is my father." I smiled. Captain Li Shang. Here I was not _The General's son. _"And this is my mother, Fa Li, and my grandmother." I bowed to the two women.

"It's very nice to meet you." The older woman looked up at me, a smirk stained on her lips, but the rest of her expression was unreadable.

"Oh yes. We were just discussing how wonderful it would be if Mulan–" Fa Li cleared her throat in that instant, cutting the older woman off.

"I think it's time for dinner," she said calmly, earning her a grateful look from Mulan. Her family walked through the doorway, leaving me and Mulan standing awkwardly alone.

"Mulan, I–" she gazed up at me, waiting expectantly. I sighed and shook my head. She gave a small smile and motioned me towards her home, making her way there herself. I followed.

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**Continue? Or not? I was thinking about doing an in-between for the first and second movies, but I'm not really sure.... Please review!!!!**


	14. Father's Approval

**So I decided to continue.... So not good on the romance, so beware......**

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We ate mostly is silence. The odd question or two would come to me or Mulan, but other than these few brief words, nothing. Fa Li rose from the table and started to clear the dishes. Mulan started to rise, but her mother shook her head, and she sank back down beside me. After a minute of silence, Mulan's Grandmother broke the dense quiet.

"So, Mulan, would you like to share with us _exactly _what happened, seeing as you've been gone for so long now? Waking and finding your only granddaughter has vanished in the night leaves you with many questions." Mulan blushed furiously. _So that's how she did it. Gone in the night... _Her poor parents.

And Mulan told them. Everything. Her journey, her time at the camp, the march, the town, the discovery. Everything. I listened intently, hanging on her every word. I couldn't help but notice how she described me. I heard myself as a proper commanding officer. Someone who was tough yet fair. A true warrior. This made the guilt creep up my throat once again. Did she truely see me like this, or did she just wish to be respectful to her commanding officer in front of her father.

When she finished her tale, Fa Zhou took her hand in his, looking at her with proud eyes. "You have been brave, Mulan. And you have saved my life, and all of China. You have brought great honour to the Fa family, Mulan." She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Thank you, Baba," she whispered, blushing from her father's praise, and rose, walking into the kitchen. I wondered how those words would sound coming from my own father. I tried to imagine growing up in this environment. My mother, firm and kind, not timid and too shy to stand up for her son when he collapsed on the grass during training from exhaustion, his hands bleeding and his feet blistered. And my father, strict but loving, not too hardened to know how to express emotions, or raise a son differently than he would raise an army. I couldn't comprehend her life.

This is when I noticed the awkward silence that had fallen between Fa Zhou and I, the only ones remaining at the table. It was him who spoke first.

"I must thank you, Captain Li, for saving my daughter, and for sparing her life." His voice was steady, but still rang with emotion. For a moment I was speechless.

"I, I'm afraid I don't deserve your gratitude, Sir. I, I _left _her behind. She was a soldier, the bravest of us all, and I left her. My father never would have left one of his soldiers behind." I looked into my hands, the guilt rising like bile into my throat.

"Your father," Fa Zhou said calmly; respectfully, "would never have spared her life. I am quite aware of my daughter's crime, Captain. And I am quite aware of your father's dedication to the law. I owe everything I have to you. I owe you my life. My heart." I stare at him, amazed; stunned.

"I, I, uh, Sir, I..." Fa Zhou just smiled. I clear my throat, trying to speak. I give a weak smile back. The women reenter the room, seating themselves at the table. Fa Zhou smiles knowingly.

"Why, Mulan, why don't you give our guest a tour of your home before dark? It would be the proper thing to do." Mulan blushed slightly and nodded to me. I immediately rise and thanked Fa Li for dinner. I follow Mulan around as she gave the tour. It was short and awkward, but as we moved around, I felt my confidence grow. We eventually made our way outside, and as we did, Mulan gazed quickly over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, about, well, _that._ They can a bit of a handful sometimes. Especially Grandmother." She gave an embarressed laugh, and I smiled at how it transformed her face.

"It's really okay. You must be thankful for them." She nodded and smiled. A moment of awkwardness hung between us.

"Mulan, I've been wanting to talk to you." _Here goes nothing. _"I must apologize for my behaviour. You have saved my life. You have saved China. And I left you behind. I was wrong to leave you, and I was wrong to not believe you. I am sorry, Mulan." I am suddenly tired and out of breath.

"You did nothing wrong. I realize the crimes I have committed, and if anything, I should be in debt to you. Shall we say we are even, then?" Dumbfounded, I stumbled to regain my sense of speech.

"You saved my life, twice. We're hardly even."

"That was Ping," she smiled and shook her head. Sticking out a hand, she smiled kindly. "I am Mulan. " I smiled and took her hand.

"Li Shang. A pleasure." She laughed warmly, and I thought of warm, smooth molasses. A comfortable silence captured us, and I felt myself leaning closer and closer.

"Mulan?" We both pulled away. I realized I had not released her hand and immediately let go, feeling the warmth of her skin drain from my hand.

"Yes, Grandmother?" The old woman appeared, looking quite amused.

"Your mother is wondering if you have completed your tour. It is already dark and you both will freeze." Mulan sighed.

"Yes, we are finished." Her Grandmother nodded and vanished behind the wall again. We turned to each other and she sighed.

"I should probably be going," I said finally. She looked disappointed and nodded. We returned inside and I thanked the Fa family once again for their hospitality.

"Where will you be staying?" Mulan's Grandmother piped. I shrugged. "I will find an inn somewhere in town." The Fa's nodded, excepting this.

"Perhaps you will join us tomorrow?" she said again, and I tried to conceal my laughter. Mulan flushed, staring downwards.

"Thank you, perhaps I will." I bowed to the Fa's and made my way out of Fa residence. I smiled, my emotions stirring within me.

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**Hope you like it..... Please review!**


	15. Leaving

My second day at the Fa residence went much like the first, but the setting seemed more familiar. I was more comfortable there, although Mulan and I hadn't been alone since the night before. As the week progressed, I found myself becoming more and more attached to the Fa's, although I ached to have a conversation alone with her. But before I knew it, four days had passed, and I started to feel more and more restless. I needed to talk to her.

We sat at the table, talking and laughing, when Fa Li appeared in the doorway.

"Mulan? Can you run into town for me?" She handed her a neat list, and Mulan nodded. But I, being chivalrous, volunteered to go.

"Please, you're our guest." I shook my head and snatched the list from Mulan's fingers. She gave a playful cry and tried to grab the list, which I held high over my head.

"My, my, you can _both _go!" Fa Li said, throwing up her hands in exasperation. We both laughed and agreed, setting off into the village. 

I watched as Mulan bargained and bartered, collected the groceries and moving on the next shop. I offered to carry the satchel, but she just waved me off. I finally snuck up behind her and slipped it from her shoulder. She glared at me but didn't argue. We loaded up the bags onto her horse, which she lead by the reins.

As we passed a grand looking building, the doors burst open, revealing a harsh-looking woman in fine robes. Beside her stood a young woman, not much older than Mulan. She stood tall and looked uncomfortable. Her face was smuthered in pasty makeup, and I couldn't even tell what the poor woman looked like. Mulan gasped and ducked behind me, pulling my arm to cover her. I moved to hide her completely and glanced around for signs of a threat.

"What? What's wrong?" She just shook her head.

"Please, not here." I nodded and quickly took the reins, leading the horse away from the building. Once we turned the corner, she relaxed and let out a breath. I stared at her, my eyebrows raised.

"Care to explain? Who was that?" I asked.

"_That _was the Matchmaker." _Oh... That explains it. Every young woman's fear._

"Have you been assessed by the Matchmaker?" Her face turned bright red with embarrassment. She averted her gaze downwards. "Mulan..." nothing. "Mulan." This time she looked up; tears in her eyes.

"I was rejected. I was utterly _humiliated _in front of my entire village. I brought dishonour to the Fa family." And she proceeded to tell me the story of her rejection. I tried to imagine this Mulan, the warrior, brave and strong and beautiful, covered in uncomfortable robes and caked in makeup. I gave a small smile.

"The woman sounds horrid. I believe she became a Matchmaker in revenge of her own inability to produce a husband." She burst out laughing through her tears.

"I suppose I should become a Matchmaker, too." I smiled and shook my head.

"You will find a husband. You are China's national treasure. Once the word spreads, your father will be fighting away men." She gave a tiny smile and thanked me. We never spoke of it again.

When we returned to the Fa residence, Fa Zhou greeted me with a scroll that had been recieved during our absence. I hesitantly took the scroll, and with shaking hands, I read the letter.

_Captain Li,  
Due to the success of your recent assignment, you have been promoted to the positon of  
General of the Imerial Army of China by the Emperor of China. Upon recieving this notice,  
you must report to the Imerial City to accept this positon. If you fail to report your positon..._

I was frozen.

"Well? What does it say?" I looked up in surprise to see the entire Fa family watching me, waiting.

"I've...I've been promoted. To General." I recieved a overwhelming congratulations and questions. I answered in a sort of daze, until Mulan spoke up.

"When will you be leaving?" I looked at her, feeling my heart sink.

"Tonight." 

When I finished preparing my horse, I returned to the house one last time. I thanked the Fa family for their kindness and hospitality. As I bid farewell I glanced quickly back at Mulan. I would never be able to truely talk to her. Say what I wanted to say. With one last bow, I mounted my horse and rode off.

As I moved farther and farther away, I felt my reluctance to leave grow greater and greater. I might never return to the Fa residence. I might never see them again. Over the sounds of hoofbeats, I heard a faint voice.

"Shang! Shang!" I turned to see Mulan running behind me. "Shang!" I jerked the reins and jumped off of my horse. My heart pounded through my chest.

"Mulan? What's going on?" But before I could continue to express my concern, Mulan ran straight into my arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and our lips met.


	16. A Long Ride

**I stopped breathing. I couldn't move, or even register what was happening. That was, until, she pulled away. Her face was bright red, and she stuttered, which was more than I could say at the moment.**

"I....I'm sorry. I couldn't let you go without...." She blushed furiously and looked down. I just gaped, unable to regain my composure. When I failed to respond, she continued.

"And I know that you still have to go, and that we can't just forget about everything that happened between us, and-" I brought myself together, reaching up to stroke her cheek. It was an unnatural gesture for me, but it felt like the right thing to do at this moment. She stopped talking and looked up, surprised. I smiled.

"I know. I know we can't just solve everything now. But we can... we can at least try, right?" She nodded, smiling.

"So what do we do now?" I couldn't find an answer. She looked behind her, up the winding path. I _wanted _to make this work. I had to. She looked back at me.

"How long will you be gone?" she asked. I looked down at her. Her hair was being thrown in the wind. She was still panting from her run, and tears filled her eyes. _Beautiful. _

"I don't know." I replied. I wished I could say something reassuring. I wish I could say something comforting. But I couldn't. I was always honest, brutally so. She nodded sadly. "But I'll come back. As soon as I can. I _will _come back." I smile broke out on her face, and she threw her arms around me once again, pulling me into a hug. I froze. I had never been hugged before. After a moment, I relaxed and gingerly put my arms around her.

She pulled away and I saw the tears she had tried to hold back were sliding down her face. I reached up and wiped them away. _Please don't cry! _She laughed again and brushed her face with the back of her hand.

"Okay," she whispered, her face still shining with moisture. I gave a sad nod. I had wanted this ever since the night of the celebration. _Maybe even before that...._I thought of her being thrown into the snow by Chi Fu, the blanket wrapped tightly around her. And now I had to leave her. For maybe weeks. Two weeks of travelling, one or two weeks at the City. I sighed, bringing myself back to her.

"I....I have to go." _Li Shang. Pulling away from every relationship I've ever had. _She nodded and leaned in, kissing my cheek, and turned around, walking back towards her home. I felt empty. Alone.

"Mulan!" She turned her eyebrows raised. When I couldn't say anything more, she smiled, winked, and continued on her way. This time, not looking back. And I was left to wonder what had just happened.

I thought about her. Every step of the way. I had never felt this way before. I didn't understand it. At all. I replayed every movement in my head, wondering where I had missed it. _That moment. _The one where she showed a sign, _any sign, _that she felt the same way about me. The thought haunted me for seven days, until I rode into the Imerial City, where I forced myself into business once again. Business, at least, on the outside.

I entered the room and was immediately swallowed in red. The Emperor sat at the end of a highly polished wooden table. He gazed at me as I entered, his eyes as bright as ever. He looked much more rested than when I last saw him. More, relaxed. I took a step forward and bowed.

"Your Excellency." He motioned to a wooden chair on the side of the table. I made my way to him, bowed my head, and seated myself.

"I apologize for the, somewhat inadequate replacement room. Mine is currently being repaired. I suppose I have you and your troops to thank for that." I sheepishly looked down. The Emperor's laugh rang throughout the small room.

"Now. I will assume you recieved my notice. You will be promoted to General of the Imperial Army of China. Your position will be final in three weeks from today's date." I nod. He smiled back at me. "Then I must ask you to practise with some of your future troops."

"Yes, Sire." He nods, and I take that as my cue to leave. As I reach the door, I hear his voice ring throughout the room.

"I assume you found her, then?" I smile and turn to face him.

"Yes. Yes, I found her." I bowed to him and departed; a smile on my face.

I enter my room, the smell of smoke and fire still lingering on the walls. I drop my satchel on the stark mattress. I ached to talk to Mulan. I knew we hadn't solved our differences, but I wanted to put it all behind us. Not forget, but move on. I made my way over to the desk. It had been fully prepared for my arrival, pens, ink, parchment sat neatly on the surface. I sat on the wooden stool and dipped a quill into the ink.

_Dear Mulan..._

**This chapter is a little shorter than my usual, but I have a bit of writer's block. So, hope you like it ;)**


	17. Love, Shang?

******Hey! Sorry it's taking me so long!!! **

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"Dismissed," I sighed. As the men left, I grabbed my robe and slung the canvas bag holding arrows over my shoulder, heading to the supply room. As I put away the practice equipment, I heard someone clear their throat behind me. I looked up, and a woman stood behind me. She smiled and brushed her long hair behind her shoulders.

"Excuse me?" she said, her voice light and airy, "Li Shang?" I nodded to her and she stepped forwards, minimizing the space between us.

"I am sorry to interrupt, Captain, but you have received a letter." I took a quick glance at her and realized she was wearing the red robes of an Emperor's messenger. I nodded again and took the paper envelope.

"Thank you," I mumbled. She gave me a shining smile, one so bright I almost had to look away. The envelope appeared before my downcast eyes, and I took it. I looked around, trying to tell her I didn't have a tip, and she just shook her head.

"Don't worry about it. If you need anything else though..." She flashed me another smile and disappeared through the door. I stared after her for a moment. That was odd. _Why would I need her for anything else? _After failing to decipher what she had meant, I shrugged to myself finished organizing the equipment.

I sat on my uncomfortable mattress, staring at the letter. _Be a man. Just do it. _I had pondered every answer she could possibly have sent me. With a final deep breath I ripped open the envelope and took the letter in my shaking hands.

_Dear Shang,  
Thank you for your letter. I'm doing well. Chores and prayer. No room for training. I must say I miss it,  
although my family would rather have me working at home, I'm sure. Once again, congratulations on  
__becoming General. Oh Shang, your father would be so proud. He was before, I'm sure, although I know  
he didn't show it. You are your father's son. I wish I could be there to see you promoted, but lately  
my father won't let me out of his sight. I think he is afraid that I'll disappear into the night. Again.  
Now that I write this, I am starting to see his point. But nevertheless; overprotective. And I know that  
we've already discussed this, but Shang, please come back. I do miss you, although you were only here  
for a short time, I'm starting to feel as if there is something missing. Once you become the leader  
of the Imperial Army, try not to forget about the people of your past. I will await your reply, and your  
return, if either does come. Farewell and good luck, General. _

_Love, Mulan_

With a sigh, I clutched the letter to my chest and fell back onto the mattress, staring at the ceiling. As usual, her letter had pulled at my emotions. Emotions I didn't even know I had, or at least didn't exercise regularly. I had laughed and cried. Well, almost cried. Tears had stung my eyes and blurred the words, and I had to let my boiling emotions to settle.

And she had signed it Love, Mulan. _Love. _I sighed again. Was it really that simple? Had she carelessly signed the note and sent it off? Or had she waited, kept it with her, unable to make a decision, then was finally honest scribbled it down, quickly sending it away before she changed her mind about revealing these emotions to me?

With yet another sigh, I pulled myself up and made my way over to my desk. Sitting on the stool, I dipped the quill into the ink and began to write.

_Dear Mulan,  
I'm glad to hear your reply. And you should not be so fast as to complain about your life. You are  
safe, and home, with women, might I add. Having someone to talk to cannot be too terrible. And  
I believe your father might be overprotective for a reason. He is just looking out for your safety, as  
you did his. You are your father's daughter. Thank you for your congratulations. _

I look at the letter, debating whether or not to destroy it. I sounded like her mentor. Her Captain. How did I even begin to sound like someone who was confused by her. Someone who was feeling tidal waves of emotion and didn't know what they meant, or had never felt them before. Yes, I was confused, but I didn't want to sound confused, or give her any doubt that I was even having these emotions. After moments of staring at the characters, I continued to write.

_Please do not worry. I will come back. I promise. I miss you as well. More than you know. And I  
wish you could be with me, too, but I have spent so much time with you over these past few  
months, and your family has wondered if you were even alive. They deserve to spend some  
time with you, since you have changed so drastically. It must be quite a shock to see how much  
you have changed. Not as much, say, as finding your soldier is an enitrely different gender, but  
still, quite a change. My official promotion is in one day from today's date, and I will return to  
you in two weeks time from then. I doubt you will be able to reply in time, so know I'll be back._

I set down the quill and reread my letter. How do I sign it? Captain Li? Absolutely not, too formal. Sincerely? Perhaps not, it was still rather formal. Just Li Shang? Just Shang? Yes, just Shang. I scribbled down my name at the end of my letter. But before I could put the parchment into an envelope, I grabbed the quill again and signed _Love, Shang. _Before I could think twice, I shoved the letter into the envelope and set off to find a messenger.

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**Thanks for reading! I'm trying not to make Shang sound too mushy. Just confused ;) I'd love to know if I'm doing anything right, so please review!!!**


	18. Promotion

**Hola! Thank you so much for your comments and reviews! They are appreciated!!!!! And just to clear the air, I am probably not going to continue this past the first five minutes of the movie, but I might try to redo it..... I honestly am not a big fan of the second movie. They make Shang look corny and stupid. Thats just my opinion. So unlike Shang! Nevertheless, here's the new chapter. Enjoy!**

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I paced in my room. I hadn't heard from her. I needed to hear from her. It had only been two days, and I was awaiting a reply. Pathetic. _When did you turn into such an emotional lovesick_? I mused silently. Unfortunately, the answer was not there. I had, at some unknown point in my past, started to have _feelings._Feelings, might I add, other than anger. Or serenity. Or peace. I had turned from someone who was suprised at their own happiness, let alone pain, sadness, caring, longing, and so many other emotions that had penetrated my very core. I thought back to my mono-emotional ways. It was a simplier time.

"Captain?" I turned to see one of the Emperor's employees standing at the entrance to my room. "They're ready for you."

-

I followed the man down the corridor, shifting in my new uniform. I felt like an outsider, an imposter. I was dressed in bronze armour, as well as a white tunic and the red cape of the Emperor. The crease of the metal pads clinked against my shoulders, the sound echoing off of the hollow halls. As we reached the temorary throne room, I began to feel nervous. Ridiculous, considering I already knew I had the position. But I was afraid of an audience. As strange as it sounds, I have always been uncomfortable being the centre of attention. Training was different. Giving instructions was much different then being recognized. But as I entered the room, to my horror, I saw the Emperor, the Counsil, the mousy Chi Fu, and quite a few members of the Imperial Army.

Gulping, I took a step forward. The Emperor smiled warmly, and I took a shy step forward. _Don't trip. Don't get sick. Don't embarress yourself. _Simple rules to live by. I approached the Emperor, took a dramatic, sweeping bow, and fell to my knees.

"Captain Li Shang," the Emperor's voice boomed throughout the space. "You have been promoted to the position of General of the Imperial Army of China. Your soldiers, the Counsil, and your Emperor as witness, do you, Li Shang, except this position?" I bow my head once again.

"Yes, Your Majesty." The Emperor motions to Chi Fu, who produces a razor sharp sword and a helmet. My _father's _helmet. And once again, I feel myself tear up.

"Now, do you accept the duties as General of directing the Imperial Army of China to victory?"

"I do." I took the sword and sheathed it in my belt, and suddenly the right side of my body grows heavy.

"And do you accept the responsibilities as General of protecting and leading your troops to safety?"

"I do." I reply, my hands clenched at my sides to stop them from shaking. _Don't get sick. Don't get sick. Don't get sick._

The Emperor nods, then picks up the helmet from it's velvet cushion, placing it gently on my head. I rise to my shaky feet. A scroll of parchment lays on the table before me. He makes a grand motion with his hands, and I pick up the quill. I tried to steady my shaking hands, but failing to do so, I take a calming breath and sign my name.

"I now pronounce you General Li Shang, leader of China's greatest Imperial Army." Applause thunders throughout the room. I give a weak smile, and my shoulders relax. _Congratulations! You made it! _I bow once again to the Emperor, and leave the throne room with my responsibilities one hundred pounds lighter. And one Imperial Army heavier.

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The paper lanterns flicker in the ballroom, the only light besides the moon filtering through the windows. I am feeling slightly light-headed at the vast amount of people. They are socializing, laughing and enjoying themselves. And I stand off to the side, since I have never had experience with any of the above. But I don't mind watching the people, swaying and dancing to the beautiful music. Fine robes of silk adorn almost everyone here; rich colours and hues of all shades float past my vision.

"General?" I glance beside me, and see one of my soldiers, Yuan, I believe, standing before me. "I would like to introduce you to my eldest daughter, Jun." I bow to them both, receiving one from each of them. She smiles at me, and I give a small smile back. Her hair is pulled back into a bun, and she wears very fine, delicate purple robes.

"General," she said. I nod to her, and introduce myself properly. Yuan, looking pleased, places his hand lightly on her shoulder and departs, leaving me and Jun alone.

"It's very nice to meet you," she says quietly, her voice barely reaching my ears. Her face is much like Mulan's is, only Mulan's is harder, more determined.

"The pleasure is mine," I reply. We quickly merge into a light conversation of the festivities, my promotion, and my travels. The atmosphere is light and easy, and I find myself, oddly enough, relaxed in such a surrounding. But it is when soldier after soldier introduced their daughters to me, I started to catch on. I was the leader of the General Army. The strict, disciplined, **_unmarried_** General of the Imperial Army of China. It was at that moment that I started to feel uncomfortable.

Excusing myself from the conversation of the woman before me, _Lan or Lin or, was it Ling?_, I moved out of the enormous doors, suddenly feeling extremely warm. I turned the corridor corner and leaned my head against the wall.

This was ridiculous. I _knew _that soldiers were at the top of the Matchmaker's list. They were rated high above any other man. The higher the rank, the more sought after. But although this was common knowledge, I couldn't help feel as if I was a simple product, a good being marketed by merchants. And I didn't want to be married off. At least not to these women. I groaned and tipped my head forward, then hit it against the wall again.

And what of Mulan? I had told her myself that she would be sought after by every man in the country. Little did I know that it would include me as well. It was true that I didn't want to marry any of the women here, but what of Mulan? I tried to imagine spending the rest of my life with her. Getting to come home at night with her waiting. I could live a life time of that. I wanted to. I just hoped I wasn't too late.

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**Well, you all know what happens, so it's not much of a cliffhanger, so..... Surprise! Please review!**


	19. Forever

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**Whoops! It's taken me so long to update! Busy busy! Anyways, new chapter! Enjoy! **

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The gravel road was dusty and hot. It stretched to the horizon, bending and twisting like a ribbon of stone. The horse was panting in the heat; dragging it's hooves and hanging it's head. The next town was still about a twenty minute ride, and unfortunately, it was a town I had never hoped to return to. Steering clear of it the first time, I was now forced to enter it due to the almost unbearable heat. I wiped my moist brow.

I had hoped to have returned to Mulan by now, but the punishing sun had slowed me down. I absently fingered the parchment in my coat pocket, which was currently hanging over the neck of the horse. I had received the letter the day I was about to leave. The messenger had arrived just as I was leaving the stable. I had torn open the envelope with a fury, scanning the letter with my shaking hands.

_ Dear Shang,  
Thank you for your letter, I do love to hear from you when I am sitting  
at home, adjusting to life outside the army. I have no way of knowing if  
you will actually receive this letter in time,but if not, then I will have to  
tell you this face to face, and the very thought terrifies me. Shang, after  
receiving your letter, I have to tell you. I think I`ve fallen in love with  
you. I know this is an inappropriate thing to say in a letter, but I must  
tell you. If just so you are prepared. I pray this does not change your  
return plans. So, I suppose I might see you soon, then.  
-Mulan_

Clutching the envelope to my chest, I took a deep sigh and leaned against the gate of the horse`s stall. And now, almost two weeks from the day I had made my decision to ask her to marry me, I was travelling down a horrifically hot pathway, praying that she had not changed her mind. I loved her too, after all. When exactly I had made the decision to allow myself to think of her in this way I was unsure, but I knew now that I did. And it most certainly did change my return plans. I would return as fast as humanly possibly, and ask her to be my wife.

Before I knew it, the road had unfolded into the small village I had dreaded coming to. The houses became familiar as I trotted through the cobblestone pathway. The market, the school, the Matchmaker`s assessment building. Not every town had a Matchmaker, but since it was the only `large` town in quite a large radius, so it did have one. I nodded shyly to the women exiting the building, who smiled and waved at me. Embarrassing.

As I moved further into the centre of the village, the buildings grew more and more familiar. I was lead by some invisible force to the place that I had hoped to never return to. The small townhouse was faded and cracked, the shutters were missing several panels and the porch was rotted. The paint had long since peeled off of the door. I dismounted the horse and walked slowly up to the steps, avoiding the crumbling spaces. I pushed gently on the door, and the lock disinigrated. I step inside.

Although the scene looks familiar, there is nothing but a stark, blank room with yellowing wallpaper. I move from room to room, silently reminising on the time I spent here. As the last door appears at the end of the hall, I almost turn and refuse to enter. But somehow, I manage to make it on my two feet. I push open the door and enter.

Tears build in my eyes as I run my fingers along the perimeter of the wall, imagining what it used to be. _Dresser, desk, chair_. And finally I stop at the far end wall. The paint is discoloured from what used to exist. I touch the edge of the yellowing line, trying not to cry. There was nothing left. Nothing that exists that shows that she truely lived. I loved her. With all of my heart. And she had left me. Forever.

_Don`t cry..._ I thought, but the tears spilled over, and I leaned against the rotting boards for support. I slid down the wall and buried my face into my knees. The pain was still fresh and sharp, slicing through my lungs and making my breath choke up into my throat. I couldn`t imagine how I would look to an observer, now. A man garbed in General`s uniform; eyes red and puffy; nose running.

My shaking hands rattle against the metal armour. Simply a shell. It held no protection for the small, shaking, sobbing man beneath. At least not from this pain. _Be a man, Shang. This is ridiculous. She`s gone. She`s not coming back to you._ And this simply made me sob harder. I could still remember the day she left.

_"Shang!" I looked over. I couldn't see her. The crowd pushed against me, shoving me back. "Shang!" I turned. There she was! Running towards me, grabbing my hand. I gripped on to it. I would never let go. She pulled me along with her. We ran. The crowd screamed and pushed, becoming more and more urgent. She jerked me into the side of a building. _

_"Shang? Shang!" Tears were running down her face. I wrapped my arms around her. I told her I was fine. I was okay. I would protect her. She pulled away and smiled at me, tears streamed down her face. Another scream rang through the mass of people, and our hands intertwined once again. We ran. I risked a glance backwards. Greasy men prowled the streets, swords long and glistening, cutting down people as if they were stalks of rice. I shuddered and turned back. Fire burned in the streets. Markets had been destroyed. Doors had been kicked inwards. _

_We started to slow. I ran forth, tugging on her hand. She panted, sweat running down her brow. She tried to keep up to the rest, but I knew she was tiring. She hands rested on her bulging stomach. The robes she always wore usually covered her growing abdomen, but as she clutched it, it was clearly defined. She was always so embarrassed about showing._

_I knew she was exhausted, so I tried to pull her along with me. But she didn't move. She couldn't. "Please!" I cried, my hands brushing the tears from her cheeks. "Please, we have to go! We have to!" She looked at me, eye to eye in her crouched position. The look in her eyes terrified me. I saw death. "Please!" I screamed again. She straightened, but her breathing was still laboured._

_Suddenly a man appeared behind her. "Well, what do we have here?" he sneered, grabbing her arm._

_"Don't touch her!" I shrieked, and lunged towards him. I was unarmed, and he brushed me aside like a fly. I fell to the streets, my knees scraping painfully on the stones, but I couldn't feel it. I couldn't feel anything. And I watched as he took his jagged dagger and ran it across her throat, then tossing her aside. Her body hit the ground and went limp; the man stalked away. I couldn't stand. I crawled on my hands and knees towards her. "No. Please. No." I murmered. And I watched as she drew her last ragged breath. Tears carved acid trails down my cheeks. _

_I lay my head on her bulging stomach. "Don't leave me." But she was already gone. And in a short amount of time, I knew her child would be, too. The thought made me want to cry harder. My baby sibling. I had secretly prayed it was a girl. I had always wanted a sister. "Mama," I sobbed again. Another dirt-stained man approached, and I was forced to leave my own mother and baby sibling behind. Do I stay and die? Do I leave my own mother? I chose to run. And as I escaped the wrath of war, I couldn't help wonder what the gods were doing to make a seven-year-old boy make that kind of decision._

I was pulled back to reality. My tears were starting to run dry. I rose from the floor and took one last look at the square of white against the yellowing wallpaper where the portrait of my mother used to hang. My father hadn't been there. He hadn't actually seen her in seven months prior to the day she was taken from me. I doubted he was aware she was having his child. I was invisible to him as a seven-year-old, and his unborn child was literallly unexistant. He should have been home. He should have been protecting her. And although I knew he was the General, I also observed his greater-than-average absence from our home.

I knew he was uncomfortable being at home. I often doubted that he even loved her. I knew it was a horrible thought, but if he truely cared for her, wouldn't he come home when he got time off? I sighed and shook my head. I exited my childhood house. My chest constricted painfully. I loved her, and becuase I wasn't strong enough, she was gone from my life forever. And as I mounted my horse, I made a vow to myself. I would never let Mulan go without a fight. I wouldn't be too weak or afraid. I would ask her to marry me, and protect her. Forever.

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**Awww! Sad chapter!!! :( I have no idea if it was suprising or not to you guys.... Please review!!!!!**


	20. Staying Forever

**Sorry I haven't updated in so long!**

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_Mulan, I feel like we haven't known each other for very long... _Yeah, that's because you haven't. _Mulan, I feel like I've known you a lot longer than I have known you, and I feel like that's because we both love each other, and I feel that maybe we should get to know... _Do you **know** how many times you said the word "feel" in that sentence? Start again. _Mulan, I haven't known you very long, but I feel that doesn't matter so much when..._ When what? I sighed.

_When a man is in love._Now all I have to do is say the words to her face. I just hoped, by some miracle, that she wouldn't reject me. She had told me she loved me. But marriage meant something entirely different. We couldn't just overcome our differences, our past, in one fell step, but I loved her, and I would do anything to allow us to be together. I could still recall, with startling clarity, Mulan, trembling in the snow, the blanket wrapped around her thin shoulders. She gazed up at me, looking for, begging for understanding; compassion. But I had denied her of all of that. My own anger had overcome me, and I had abandoned her, leaving her for dead. And what of the Huns? What if Shan Yu had found her? Beat her or tortured her? Or something..._else._

I shuddered at the very thought. She was safe. She was home. But what if? And as I saw the house unwind from the ribbon of the dusty pathway, I found myself push the thought away and almost hysterically rehearse my "speech." _Mulan, I haven't known you for very long..._ I rode closer and closer to the Fa residence, my hands sweating in anticipation. _...but I feel that doesn't matter so much..._I reached the familiar and comforting house, but swerved to enter the yard, where I knew Mulan would be doing her chores. _...when a man is in love._

The wall opened in an inviting arch, and I ducked through it, manuvering my horse around the bushes. And there she was. Laughing and smiling, directing some of the neighbourhood children on her, _my_, fighting techniques. Beautiful. She turned, but did not see me, but the action made me jump in surprise and panic, jerking the reins of the horse. The beast cryed in protest, rising on it's hind legs. I clung to it's back, trying to look as graceful as possible while I knew the sound had caused the girls, and Mulan, to look up. _Be brave. _

I calmed the horse back to it's feet, and the young girls ran excitedly up to me, many of whom I recognized from my short stay here.

"Gen'rel Shang! Gen'rel Shang!" They cried. I smiled and rode gently forward, stopping my horse and dismounting. _Be brave._

"Hello, little warriors," I cooed. I pulled the ceremonial helmet from my head. My nervousness was obvious through my voice; my words were overly sweet and came out thick and slowly, like molasses. But nevertheless, they giggled wildly and lead me towards Mulan. _Be brave. _

Mulan stood shyly before me, her hands folded behind her back and her eyes cast downwards. She was more beautiful than I remembered.

"The uniform suits you, _General."_ She teased. I blushed.

"Oh," I stumbled, looking down at my polished bronze armour. "The uniform. Yes." _Nice....... Really smooth, **General. **_I scolded the inner voice and nervously stroked the soft feathers of my helmet. "Now I just have to live up to it," I said shyly.

"You will! You're very brave." Mulan's words seemed wise and gentle, keeping the tone she usually had with the young children. Her words mimicked my forgotten thoughts.

"Oh! Right! Brave..." I said, more as a reminder to myself than as a response. I cleared my throat, suddenly remembering my painstakingly rehearsed speech.

"Yes, well. Mulan, I haven't known you for very long," I preached, my words sounding like I was reciting a poem or story, "But I feel that doesn't matter so much when a man is in..." I suddenly realized we were still surrounded by a herd of little girls. I hadn't expected an audience for my announcement. Their innocent eyes peered up at me, waiting expectantly. I cleared my throat again. _Say it! _"When a man is in..."

The girls dissolved into a fit of laughter, adding to my embarrassment. Mulan looked down at them, appearing to be wishing that I could of finished. _Or so I hope. _I gulped nervously. My sweating hands closed around the helmet, and I held it nervously at my waist.

"Is there somewhere private we can talk?" I begged. I felt a small hand gently touch my forearm.

"We can go to my house!" proclaimed a tiny girl with missing front teeth. My face flushed and my eyes widened with embarrassment. The girls exploded with laughter once again at my reaction. Mulan laughed, too, and I nervously clutched my helmet. She smiled and dismissed them kindly. They gave a small groan, but said goodbye to each of us and skipped off. All except a small girl. I looked down, raising my eyebrows. As if testing me, she stood there, smiling innocently. As adorable as she was, I would give anything for time alone with Mulan.

So I knelt down so I was at her level. "Could you take care of this for me?" The little girl gasped and hugged the helmet to her chest and took off, squealing and giggling with delight. I stood up, trying to contain my amusement, when I sensed Mulan beside me. Her fingers intertwined with mine, and I gripped her hand.

"You know, you're never going to get that back," she teased. The light, airy humour relaxed me, and I laughed with relief. She lead me up the path towards the house. Before we emerged in sight of the Fa residence, she pulled me towards her. I wrapped my arms around her, and slowly leaned forward. Our lips met, and my thoughts of doubt evaporated. I pulled her closer to me, and we both pulled away slightly, still wrapped together.

"I missed you," she whispered, her face flushed and her breath fast. I smiled.

"You have no idea." She smiled again and kissed my cheek. "I....I need to talk to you." Her eyes held a touch of concern.

"Can I change first?" she laughed, motioning to her clothing. She was still wearing her training robes. I nodded and reluctantly pulled away. She grabbed my hand again and lead me further up the path, pulling aside the door, and I followed her through it.

She gently pushed me gently into a wooden chair. I smiled as she disappeared into her room. Mulan's grandmother appeared at the doorway from the kitchen. I started to rise to greet her, but she just shook her head and sat across from me. I waited for her to say something, but she just smiled and watched me knowingly. It made me extremely uncomfortable, and I felt that her dark eyes were seeing far into me. I shifted in my chair, and Fa Zhou passed into the hall. I smiled and greeted him. His sharp eyes twinkled, and the corners of his mouth curled up. He nodded and winked, and limped into the dark hall.

I shifted uncomfortably again, trying to ignore the elderly woman's amusing stare. I looked up to see Fa Li watching me from the doorway of the kitchen. My eyes went wide and I looked downwards. _What in the names of the gods...? _Mulan walked into the room, her dress brushing the wooden floor. I still was unused to seeing her in anything but men's clothing. Mulan smiled and stepped towards me, noticing the awaiting stares of the two women. _They know! They know everything!_

"Is something wrong?" she asked, her eyebrows raised. The women shook their heads with amusement. Mulan sighed, as if used to the strange behaviour of the duo, and grabbed my hand again, pulling me from the house.

"I truely don't think I want to know," she shook her head with exasperation. I laughed and stroked her palm with my fingertips. She smiled and looked up at me. "Anyways, what did you want to tell me?" And with those soft words, my prepared words were wiped from my mind. _Excellent._

I stuttered, trying to regain my composure, then finally gave up. "Mulan, I did receive your letter." She eyes went wide and she blushed.

"Oh." her eyes fluttered downwards. I squeezed her hand and pulled her close.

"You had the courage to tell me what I was too afraid to tell you. I love you." I whispered in her ear. She pulled away and smiled, throwing her arms and me and laughing in relief. I smiled too and reached for her hand again.

"That's not all what I wanted to tell you." She nodded. I took that as my cue to continue. "Perhaps we can talk somewhere where we are not in view of your house?" She nodded again, trying to hide the humour in her eyes. We strolled through the arch of the stone wall, walking to the bench beneath the blossoming tree. I motioned for her to sit on the stone bench, and she complied. I knew she was suspicious of my formality, but I only planned on doing this once, and I was going to do it right.

I knelt before her and took her frail hand in mine. She raised her eyebrows, but smiled nonetheless. "Mulan, I will never leave you again. If you can find it in your heart to trust me, please know that I will protect you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you..." I couldn't finish, because Mulan had squealed and thrown herself at me, wrapping her arms around me. We collapsed backwards onto the soft grass, both of us laughing and breathing sighs of relief. I kissed her hair and held her close. "Is that a yes?" I teased, and she nodded and let out a beautiful laugh, then rested her head on my chest.

Looking up, I saw a small head hover above the sill of the window. The flash of gray hair disappeared from the frame. I turned back to Mulan.

"What is it?" she asked. I brushed her cheek and shook my head.

"Nothing. It's nothing at all."

* * *

**So? Continue, or not continue? I tried to make the one line from the movie sound less corny, but I really don't know if it's possible ;) oh well. **


	21. Continue?

**Hello! I have been unable to decide if I am going to continue this story... I would like to, since I love writing this and hearing your responses, but I know the second movie was a bit of a let down. I wasn't going to continue, but I felt that the second movie destroyed my perspective on Shang. I wanted to challenge myself and see if I could salvage him! Lol So I would love some feedback on this issue! So just leave a comment or PM me! That would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much!**


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